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Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Terminal cancer with a young child

Tash1980
Posted by
  • Hi, I’m new to these groups today. My partner went into hospital at the start of April with suspected kidney stones. After a a cancer diagnosis and 2 rounds of chemo, we got told today that he probably only has months left. While his family fall apart I have to stay strong for our 7yr old. Yet all I want to do I breakdown. When I get all tearful I have to hide and compose myself. I’ve got help around me but bedtimes etc are really hard. Our son is the youngest in the family who is at a stage of understanding. I was 39 on Monday, my partner is 48. 
Busy mummy too
Posted by

Hello Tash 1980

I don't have any words of wisdom unfortunately, only to say I feel your pain.

I have twin boys aged 11 and we have just today been told my husband's cancer (chich we have only known about for 2 weeks0 is not treatable or cureable!

We are broken.

Sending you hugs and love at this time.

Cancer sucks!!!!!

Tash1980
Posted by

Cancer is a ‘insert swear word here’. 

So many people have told me that kids are more resilient than adults. They probably are. They have Pokemon or mario or Gumball to think about. It breaks them too. As adults we understand cancer (to a degree). Treatment, side effects, prognosis. Months to live? We can process that to an extent How do you explain to a 7yr old his dad has months to live? 

Busy mummy too
Posted by

I agree.

I have told my boys that Dad has Cancer, but as he has had it 4 times before the uderstanding is that he will get better.

There is no way on this earth I can envisage telling them that Dad’s cancer is incurable!

simply devastating"...........

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi, I wonder if Mcmillan can give you any advice on this subject. Sometimes it's difficult for those closest to have that discussion. Maybe they will understand better as time goes on, they are quite astute. When my first husband died suddenly I was left with 4 children, the youngest being eight years old. I just told them the truth, without dressing it up. I don't know if it was the best way, only you know your family. We survived, as will you, take one day at a time. I wish you well at this difficult time, we are all thinking of you . Lots of love, xxxxxx

Tash1980
Posted by

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on this. Times are crappy for all ages.

Sunflowers15
Posted by

Hi Tash1980, I'm so sorry to read of your partner's situation. It is so hard for us mums when we find ourselves in this sort of situation. Whilst we have our loved ones care needs to meet, trying to hold everything together for our young children and the house also, It's overwhelming at times. When sometimes you just feel like hiding under your duvet and you just can't because you have not only your loved one relying on you but also your little ones. My husband was given the incurable diagnosis over 2 years ago when he was initially diagnosed with cancer. We have three children together an adult child and a 10 and 8 year old. All children are aware of their dad's cancer and the incurable diagnosis. Initially they were told incurable cancer but the treatment is managing it, then it's growing again we are trying another treatment to keep it managed, then they have stopped the treatment because he was hospitalised due to some serious life threatening side effects in dec. They are aware that when the cancer starts growing again there may not be any treatment options offered - we were told this in January. Miraculously he's been stable since Dec. I so feel for you, take care x

Tash1980
Posted by

As a parent you never think you’ll have to deal with stuff like this. Kids are more resilient than we think and in a way they deal with it all better than adults. At the end of the day it’s my 7ry old who keeps me going, keeps me smiling and making me believe there’s a way through this and a life after, even as horrible as that seems. X

Vulpes
Posted by

All I can think about is the life my child is going to be robbed of. A life without her wonderful wonderful dad. I am eaten up inside with the worry that I won’t be enough, on my own, that I can never give her the happy life she has had so far, again. Sometimes at night, when everyone is sleeping, I go down into the garage and cry (such a small word) so no one can hear me. I very desperately want this not to happen to her. As a parent protecting your child is everything, and I can’t protect her from this. And it’s just the most terrible awful thing that she is going to have to go through. So sometimes I watch her laughing and I want to throw up with the dread in my stomach of how will I ever make things ok so she will be happy again.

Bodach
Posted by

Hi 

I'm  sorry that I've come late into this conversation but I would like to belatedly welcome you to the online community I know how hard it must have been for you to start this discussion but hopefully you will have seen that your fellow members are very supportive towards you and that is something we excel at being a help and support to each other.

I am sorry to hear about your partner and the devastating news you've received and if it helps you can come on here at any time for a chat, to rant and rave or just to let off steam (we all do it) and as this is a very safe place to come, you will know that you're in company of people who understand you and your feelings.

Telling young children is never easy but no matter the age of the children one thing they appreciate is honesty and they can pick up on situations that are not normal, picking the time and place is important to set the mood, when talking to young son you should try and answer any question he may have so it's best for you to be prepared (you need to be in the correct frame of mind before you start) if you don't know the answer just say I don't know but I'll get back to you. 

I have put together some information that might help you

Cancer Research - Talking to Children 

Macmillans - Advice on talking to children 

Maggie's- Talking to Children 

You may have a Maggies Centre near to you, these centres offer a tremendous amount of support to young children and adults and are there for anyone diagnosed with cancer AND their families - check to see if they have a centre near you by entering your post code.

You can download a Macmillans booklet on Talking to children here 

If you would like to speak to a someone our telephone support team are available to help you in a number of ways including emotions, benefits, work, financial and a lot more and you can call them at anytime between 8 am and 8 pm every day of the week and the number to call is freephone

0808 808 0000

The friendly advisers are there to listen to you and offer you support, please give them a ring

I hope that you find the above of interest please remember that the door to the online community is always open for you come straight in, there is always someone around to listen to you and give you support  help and advice at anytime you need us

Would you please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are getting on.

Best wishes

Ian

With a Stma Care and Management Certificate 

My Groups ● St●ma Support ● Bowel ● Carers ● Anal ● Family & Friends ● Bereavement ● Diagnosed at a Young Age ● Parents of Young Children ● New to the Community

You can call The Macmillan Support line on 0808 808 0000 every day 8am to 8pm

What is a Community Champion?

 How to update your PROFILE

The Bodach is LIVING WITH A ST● MA

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi there,  please, have faith in yourself that you are enough for your daughter and she will be happy. Sounds too simple, I know, but you will come together, your bonds will be strong. Love never dies. One day at a time, xxxxx