I’d appreciate help in dealing with my dad being end of life

Oh, where to start. 

We’re all probably on this horrific rollercoaster of a cancer ride we can’t get off. 

It started with my dad 4.5 years ago and we’ve had many good times in between. He’s a proud, independent man and has carried on stoically for almost 22 years since we lost my mom. 

Reality is:

• Cancer has spread from lungs (egfr non-smoker but was a chemistry teacher) to the pleura and mets in the brain
• His legs kept giving way and he’s had two falls - last one on Saturday 12 September 
• Kept my dad comfortable at mine and had the early intervention team 
• Scary to see he can’t walk by himself plus is also having incontinence issues; both very unlike him 
• Had a house full of people including GP, district nurse, people ordering equipment 
• On Tuesday the nurse called for an ambulance as needed to rule out sepsis or urine infection. Turned out he has neither
• My dad has been in hospital almost a week and does not want to be there 
• I demanded an MRI. Turns out there is progression in brain mets, two hairline fractures in vertebrae and mets on the spine plus urine retention in bladder so needs a catheter 

I feel immense stress and anxiety. Not only is this an awful situation and my dad does not want to talk about prognosis, it’s an absolute painful process to try and join the dots with the medical teams. 

Any advice for 1. Dealing with this situation 2. Reducing stress as this is going to continue, and probably get worse over the coming weeks and 3. Making end of life the best it can be at my home

Thank you for anyone who reads this.

This is so very tough. 

Jayne