Hi everyone,
I'm new here, and I'm scared.
My husband is 49 and was diagnosed with Stage 2A colon cancer about a month ago. Before this, he was a strong, healthy man. He never smoked, only drank the occasional beer, ate well, and looked after himself. Cancer was the last thing we expected.
On his 50th birthday, he had his first chemo treatment. Some birthday present. Sometimes I think, "What kind of life is this?"
I lost my mum four years ago, and if I'm honest, I never really got over it. I still carry a lot of grief, anger, and sadness from that loss. Now, just when I thought life couldn't throw anything else at us, my husband has cancer.
I keep asking myself why life is so unfair.
We used to live in the UK, but we moved to Sri Lanka because we wanted a better life and wanted to be there for his elderly parents. Instead, everything has been turned upside down. Now I'm trying to support my husband through cancer treatment while also helping to care for his parents.
I feel very alone.
We don't have children. My family and close friends are far away. The language and cultural differences make it difficult to talk openly with doctors and nurses. I've spent weeks trying to find cancer support, counselling, online groups, phone numbers, and services here, but many don't respond, numbers don't work, or there is no English-speaking support available.
That's one of the reasons I've joined this community.
I'm trying to stay positive, but the truth is that I'm terrified.
I'm terrified of losing him.
I'm terrified that the cancer will come back.
I'm terrified every time I think about the future.
I thought about doing something for myself to take my mind off everything for a while, but then I feel guilty. I worry that if I focus on anything else, I'm taking time away from being with him or looking after him. It's as if my whole world has become cancer, appointments, treatment, worry, and fear.
I've been reading other people's stories on here, and many of them have made me cry. At the same time, they've reminded me that I'm not completely alone.
If anyone has been through something similar, either as a patient or as a spouse, I would really appreciate hearing how you coped with the fear and uncertainty.
Thank you for reading.
