New here – struggling with fear, isolation and uncertainty

Edyta J2026 1 month ago

3 replies
29 subscribers
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Hi everyone,

I'm new here, and I'm scared.

My husband is 49 and was diagnosed with Stage 2A colon cancer about a month ago. Before this, he was a strong, healthy man. He never smoked, only drank the occasional beer, ate well, and looked after himself. Cancer was the last thing we expected.

On his 50th birthday, he had his first chemo treatment. Some birthday present. Sometimes I think, "What kind of life is this?"

I lost my mum four years ago, and if I'm honest, I never really got over it. I still carry a lot of grief, anger, and sadness from that loss. Now, just when I thought life couldn't throw anything else at us, my husband has cancer.

I keep asking myself why life is so unfair.

We used to live in the UK, but we moved to Sri Lanka because we wanted a better life and wanted to be there for his elderly parents. Instead, everything has been turned upside down. Now I'm trying to support my husband through cancer treatment while also helping to care for his parents.

I feel very alone.

We don't have children. My family and close friends are far away. The language and cultural differences make it difficult to talk openly with doctors and nurses. I've spent weeks trying to find cancer support, counselling, online groups, phone numbers, and services here, but many don't respond, numbers don't work, or there is no English-speaking support available.

That's one of the reasons I've joined this community.

I'm trying to stay positive, but the truth is that I'm terrified.

I'm terrified of losing him.

I'm terrified that the cancer will come back.

I'm terrified every time I think about the future.

I thought about doing something for myself to take my mind off everything for a while, but then I feel guilty. I worry that if I focus on anything else, I'm taking time away from being with him or looking after him. It's as if my whole world has become cancer, appointments, treatment, worry, and fear.

I've been reading other people's stories on here, and many of them have made me cry. At the same time, they've reminded me that I'm not completely alone.

If anyone has been through something similar, either as a patient or as a spouse, I would really appreciate hearing how you coped with the fear and uncertainty.

Thank you for reading.

Suziboo 1 month ago

Hi, I feel much the same. Although I’m in England, we moved to a new county last year, just 2 weeks after my husband was diagnosed with advanced rectal cancer. He’s been having weekly chemo for almost a year now and is a shadow of the man he was. I feel alone too although it’s obviously easier for me, being in the UK. I’m also terrified of being left a widow, something I had never even contemplated as he is 5 years younger than me. I’m 74 with back and hip issues and thought he’d always be there to look after me. It’s a horrible situation isn’t it? I feel my world is getting smaller.

Arlandria 1 month ago

Hi Edyta J2026. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling isolated and scared.

There are lots of people who feel the same - not all in the same circumstances - and you're right, you're not completely alone, as there are people here to talk to, but it can be hard to shift from feeling terrified.

The fact is, that cancer could come back - or it might not. Many people are in limbo. It's what you do and how you frame it that can help. The worry won't go away, though; it might recede a little, but it will always niggle.

I hope that you have a chance to talk to each other about it. It's good to talk and have a plan in place if the worst should happen. Often, this is overlooked in life. It's better to do it now, so that if you have bad news, at least you have a plan to start with (then you 'only' have to deal with the feelings that go alongside - but at least you will have some space to do this). Does that make any sense?

Please do make use of this forum though. Everyone at some point in their life is affected by cancer. The issue is that we often refuse or avoid talking about it - when we should. So please, talk to others here.

Arlandria 1 month ago in reply to Suziboo

Hi Suziboo

Yes lovely, a shift in what we expected is hard, but even harder when you have to contemplate the loss of someone dear.

It's natural to feel that your world is getting smaller, so please, know that there are resources to help. Help you talk through things and make plans.

You too are not alone. It's a horrible journey, but one you can do with a million virtual hands helping you on your way x

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