So Worried

Hi LauraB 

Sorry to read this, totally get your bit about not wanting her to suffer but also not wanting her to go as I remember that with my dad. If it helps do remember you can ring the helpline here - 0800 808 0000 anytime between 8am or 8pm or if you need to talk outside that time you can always ring Samaratins on 116 123 anytime 

<<hugs>>

Steve

I’m sorry to hear you went through the same. Hoping you’re doing okay & thanks for replying. x

Hi, I completely understand how you are feeling. My husband keeps getting full of fluid and hospital keep draining it. I wish they would just let nature take its course but then again I don’t. Hopin and praying for you and your mum. I wish for peace and rest for my husband as I am sure you do for your mum. Modern medicine…is it always a good thing?️

Hello Laura

My Mum died a month ago - it took just over two months between diagnosis (oesophageal cancer) and her passing. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to see her suffer any more but also clinging on to hope for more time. After diagnosis, I had these crazy ideas that we'd have time to be able to do things together that made her happy, but the deterioration was heartbreakingly rapid. 

I've still not returned to normal sleeping patterns as I keep going over everything - I spent so much time trying to find solutions to make things better for her but I still have a horrible sense of failure and guilt.

She went into hospital after a fall and lasted for another few days there. I consoled myself with the thought that she was in the best place in the end because I couldn't have given her the level of care she needed at that stage and it would have caused too much distress and discomfort to move her. She slept for the last few days and just slipped away peacefully. It was a strange feeling - grief tinged with relief. 

I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you (and Teatowel from the messages here). I've been there - I know what it's like. Draw on as much support as you can from friends and family. 

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom Livia, I am certain she will have appreciated everything you did & she will have known you had her back through it all, right to the end. You were there through it all, helping her, you didn’t let her go through it alone & that’s all that really matters, this is what I’m finding out. The care setting etc is irrelevant in the end. It’s knowing they’re loved. I hope you can find peace soon as I have no doubts from our interactions & seeing your posts that you did all you could & that’s what matters & your mom will have known that. There’s always ‘what ifs’ but do take time to acknowledge what you did. A lot of mom’s would wish for a daughter like you.
My mom & I had a better day today than yesterday, we had some nice chats, she knows I’ll fight for her.  Sending a giant hug. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you, I know mine did when my Dad passed away. xx

Awww thank you Teatowel, the same to you & your husband. ️ I’m glad it’s not only me that feels that way. The fluid has got so bad that it’s now causing heart problems - mom has just had enough. I feel for her. Wishing you both a nice day tomorrow. I’m meing a lady who provides private care tomorrow, I’m hoping this helps if we put it in place.  x