Really worried about husband - Sickness following treatment

It is really difficult to know what to do in new and worrying circumstances. I can't be much help but I have had a sick husband who is reluctant (to say the least) to accept my help. Firstly, he didn't have cancer so I won't pretend to know what you are both going through. However, his condition and medication made him sick until he passed out on the bathroom floor. He couldn't eat or drink and didn't want and help from me. As he's diabetic, not eating or drinking isn't an option so I did over-talk/ over-try the first few times it happened. 

What I can say is that I eventually learnt that he was overwhelmed and any input at all by me was just too much. Once I started to know this I did things without talking much. I put water where he could grab it, in a plastic beaker (so it didn't matter if it got knocked over) and said very quietly, 'water's here'.

We eventually progressed to him letting me pass him wet wipes. In his case it also helped to wipe the back of his neck with one when he wasn't being sick.

What worked was talking with him when he was feeling a lot better (not even the same day at first). He told me what he needed and how so I wouldn't overwhelm him. 

I read everything medically related. Only official NHS (different areas have different info) or Mayo or Scripps in the USA as we used to live there and know them. 

We never really found out from doctors exactly what was going on but learnt from noting everything and worked out what made it worse. We now have a plan and he isn't as sick as often owing to improved medication.

Unfortunately, I now feel intense worry whenever he has a coughing fit (as he would make a similar noise before he was sick). I know it is my anxiety because of what happened when he was very ill. I'm working on quelling my anxiety. 

Sorry to waffle. What I learnt is to find out what may help when he's not at his worst. To be helpful as he wants and not as what I think will help. I avoid pestering him (it took me a long time). I learn about his conditions but avoid giving him advice BUT I will ask him if he wants to talk or to know what I've learned. We have even done this by email. I tell him I've emailed him something I found out, he then reads it if and when he wants.

I just wanted to say you aren't alone. I'm on here for the first time because I got a cancer diagnosis. I do care for my husband but I hadn't thought of a forum for help, so you're ahead of me on that. 

Thank you for your reply. I noted that you had learned not to pester and I will take this advice as keep nagging makes us both anxious and I get very tearful. It helps to know that I am not alone. I.m sorry for your own diagnosis too which must make everything much harder for you.