Sclc guilt

Hi Leon, caring is exhausting. I slept on the settee during my husbands last few weeks when he could no longer manage stairs, and I was scared to go out jyst in case. I was his sole carer.

Do you have any hospice support at all?  If not, is there one you can connect with? They may be able to give you respite by taking her in for a couple of days. My husband wanted to die at home and he was able to, but he also knew the toll it had on me and would have gone into the hospice if it was necessary. 

Are you far away if you went home? Is there any other family? Could your partner come to you and stay for a weekend? 

Have you had a carer assessment from your local council. Sadly by the time mine came through, he was already gone. 

I hope you find a way. Keep talking here, it helps.

Hi and thankyou for your reply im so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, we only have a district nurse and he's only been out once to do an assessment and said he would be back this week but has so far not turned up I am her only family member and I live over an hours drive away, my partner cant come here as she works full time and I dont want to burden her with coming here. We have been in touch with hospice and they have arranged for us to look round the hospice next week which has given me a bit of hope. I just know I'm no good to her if I'm burnt out so just wanted to go back home for a few days just to recharge my batteries but I'm sick with worry incase something happens while I'm gone. 

I'm glad you are visitng the hospice. Please take absolutely anything they can offer. I had some respite nights towards the end where someone came in and looked after him so that I could sleep in my bed. It was a game changer as I got some sleep. I was als assigned a social worker who helped me problem solve issues much like yours, helping me to think through solutions.

If you can find some weekend respite, perhpas you could go home and at least spend the day with your partner. Your partner may be able to ask for some compassionate leave so that she could travel to you and have a day together. I'm sure she would want to support you?

If this really is impossible, can you do lots of video calls?

Remind youself often that you're doing great. Consider if its time to get carers in to help. I was just on the verge of that when he took a turn for the worse and we never got them in place. Noone ever wants to do this, but sometimes it can just give you more time to recharge.

Try to eat drink and rest when you can, noone knows what this feels like until they have done it, and above all the care is slowly watching the person you love deteriorate and the emotional impact that has too.

Thankyou so much for all your kind words and encouragement, you've been such a great help