Hubby won't eat

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I'm at my wits end and feel so lost. So it's been a tough 18 months hubby was misdiagnosed with what started as skin cancer but is now very aggressive cancer on his head ear neck and under his arm. He has had some quite disfiguring surgery and the last time the cancer came back they decided to use radiotherapy as a primary solution he now has a huge open wound where his ear used to be and what's left of his ear is hanging off. He has been through so much. However the last appointment was results of first scan after radiotherapy on his ear and neck and the results were positive no sign of it coming back as yet. So you would think he would grasp this good news. But he is wasting away before my eyes he has lost at least 5 stone since August. He initially couldn't eat because of ulcers in his mouth and throat from the radiotherapy. Then he had an upset stomach from the pain killers and laxatives now I think it's psychological as soon as I bring food to him he is in pain. He is not the kind caring thoughtful man I know and love he gets angry and aggressive and says some awful things to me. He is getting frailer every day he is going backwards and I don't know what to do the last appointment the oncologist told him he has to eat but there is always a reason why he can't.i know he is very low but he is not reasonable he is turning into an old man before my eyes wasting away. I just don't know what to do. If I mention a therapist or speaking to the dr about his mental health it causes a row. I'm watching f the man I love starve himself and I feel helpless

Loml232842 18 hours ago

Hello. I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with your husband. I have been through much the same thing. My partner turns into a completely different person when he's struggling with symptoms. We lose our connection completely and it's very distressing.I've found that I need to be quite tough about getting help managing the symptoms and when they're under control, my hubby comes back. I was also told by a carer not to stress about him not eating. His body is dictating where it needs to spend energy and sometimes it can't afford to spend energy on digesting food. It needs the energy to fight the disease or infections. The doctors were the same with us and kept saying he needed to eat but I stopped trying to force him. It's important to leave really small amounts of food that he might like near him which won't feel overwhelming but otherwise don't mention eating. One day after weeks of not eating, my husband just asked for a spoonful from a bowl of soup and then kept going. He's eating ok again and is back to himself. I really hope you find a way through but it is possible to get the man you loved back if just for limited periods of time. It really helped me to get him back to himself so we could say all the things we needed to say.

Detty847b62 17 hours ago in reply to Loml232842

My hubby was the same. ..His cancer was Oesophageal so at 1st he couldn't eat because of the tumour & was on jevity food pump which is awful stuff. He had a stent fitted & was able to eat pureed/ liquid food & he actually started putting a bit of weight back on. Has your husband been referred to a dietician..if not ask for a referral. The one we had was brilliant.

Jupo6055adb3 9 hours ago in reply to Loml232842

Thank you for reply. I suppose my concern is he had begun eating again and has started back to work working from home but it was a step forward and then the pain in his ear became severe and they increased his pain killer which of course had side effects he took laxative to combat that which upset his stomach and it's been a downward journey since the pain completely consumes him but is always starts when it's meal time or if I mention food. There is an added complication that he is a kidney transplant patient and has to have fluids and nutrition to keep his kidney healthy

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Hubby won't eat