Hello.
I am 26 and I'm currently 4 months into looking after my only parent - my mom. She is only 49 and has been battling cancer for 1.5 years. Had a short remission and it came back more aggressively and with more metastasis. I have a brother who is abroad and little help from relatives as they are facing their own things right now. I feel a lot of anger and a lot of guilt because she is in a lot of pain, she is still young, she gave her life up for us and she gave us everything. She really is the best mom anyone can ask for. I feel I haven't given her everything. I feel like I should've done more. I feel like I drained her life which I know isn't true but still.... I feel guilty because we haven't spent more time together in the past years when I was a student in another city. And as I am looking at her declining and in pain and asking herself where she went wrong I only manage to cry. That makes me feel guilty too... She needs a strong person by her side, she needs to be herself and express herself and I can't seem to find the strength to woman up and stop crying. I want her to not worry about me and to think about herself. She still has a few good hours in the day and I try to make the best of them but I seem to be running in circles mentally. Help me please.... I am reading some books about reincarnation and souls as I desperately need to believe that we will meet again. And in all the fear I feel I am missing out on being with her fully. I seem to have unlocked some fear of abandonment when my dad died when I was 9, and that is also creeping up on me....
Thank you for being here.... And I'm sorry for the bad and sad feelings....
Hi Rada S
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportve.
So sorry to hear about your mother and your dad. There are a whole range of emotions that we go through when a loved one is suffering and I find looking at your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful in that being able to recongize the emotion and accept it is normal can help to make it feel less overwhelming.
One thing I have to recognize was the importance of making some time for me if I wanted to be the best for my wife, I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me. A key element was focusing on the here and now - dealing with what is in front of us today rather than worrying about the future and that helped me appreciicate what we have. The conscious breathing exercises are good to both in dealing with whatever life chooses to throw as us but also in getting some rest myself.
Do post on here whenever as someone is always listening and remember if you need you can always ring the helpline that is open from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week.
<<hugs>>
Steve
