I don't know what to do

I’m sorry you have this news. I remember when my husband was first diagnosed with a bone tumor and waiting for a PET scan to indicate what else was there. It was terrifying. A few things that helped me:

1. I made a deal with myself to never google. I have doctors I can talk to. That’s way better.

2. I decided to try not to get upset about anything… any news… that had not happened yet. It is our nature to try to prepare for the worst, but frankly, it doesn’t make the worst any easier. It just means you feel miserable before you need to. 

3. I tried to pick ways of blowing off the stress. Running is my go to, but back then, I had rib fractures, so I’d scream at the top of my lungs in the car whilst driving on country lanes. Now, I take the car for a wash, and I cry - even if I feel fine. It became this safe place for me, and well, I still go there when I need it. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t connect with others in your worry, this is just what worked for me. I did and do rely on a few friends.

4. remember that cancer is, for so many people, a manageable condition. The world has worked hard to refine treatment, and it isn’t a death sentence. 

sending courage and hugs, -f

Hello fellow Tracey! Nice to meet you albeit in terrible circumstances. I'm so sorry for what you and your sister are going through.

To add to the excellent advice Frankie gave - crying isn't "not coping", it's totally normal. It would be more worrying if you didn't cry, tbh. 

I was told that this intense period of crying is called "anticipatory grief" and it is so, SO hard. Like you, I was frightened that I was going to let my loved one down by not being strong enough. I can't tell you that it'll stop, but for me, the uncontrollable floods settled down after about five days, which was also when I started to sleep a bit better. I still cry every day, but it's manageable. 

Hi Tracey, I was also like you when my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer so the anticipatory grief is completely normal. All I can say is that whilst it doesn't completely go away, it does get easier to manage. I don't sit in despair as often as I did nor do I cry as much. To be honest at the moment, just trying to deal with the side effects of chemo is enough to worry about and sort out that sometimes the actual cancer takes a back seat! Just have to take it one day at a time and deal with the issues at hand rather than ones we can only guess at.