Boyfriend kidney cancer

Hi Jane1961 

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

Your situation sounds difficult so not surprised you might feel scared and that is not selfish at all. If I look at Your feelings when someone has cancer I recognize a lot of the feelings I had and then somehow recognizing them as normal I found helped to make them seem less overwhelming. 

The waiting time after diagnosis many find really difficult, if you find it helps do post on here and remember you are welcome to ring the helpline too.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Jane 

I’m so sorry to hear of your boyfriend’s cancer diagnosis and other health issues. Hopefully a solution can be found to help him as best as possible.

My situation is very similar to yours. I had a 2 year relationship with a fearful avoidant man, which ended right before he started his chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment in July of this year. I have been around for the whole of his cancer journey, from initial medical checks in January, to his diagnosis in February. I have been there for his two surgeries as well. I was supporting him by myself before anyone else knew.

But it’s as if the idea of how gruelling the chemotherapy and radiotherapy would be, that made him cut things off between us. We have remained friends, as we both said we wanted each other in our lives. But I feel for him, in typical avoidant attachment, that suits him as he has me close by and in his life. But without the emotional requirements and commitment that would come from being in a relationship.

There is an article on here somewhere that says a lot of people push loved ones away when they get a cancer diagnosis and when they are about to start treatment etc. So it would seem that is quite normal. But as we know with avoidants, it feels like any reason and excuse to push us away is what they will do. And it’s hard, when you pour so much into supporting them. Do you have friends and family you can talk to and off load too?

How long does he typically disappear for when he cuts contact? I’m assuming you won’t hear from him to know how he is getting on with appointments etc?

I hope you find a way to manage it all 

Helen

Thank you for your reply, the time has been getting shorter but it is different this time. lol time will tell. Thank you again for your reply