This is the first time I have reached out to anyone. My husband was diagnosed with Liver HCC in June 24, completely out of the blue. He has 3 large inoperable tumors. So far treatment with immunotherapy has been unsuccessful, and currently on cycle 6 of chemotherapy. Awaiting Ct results. To say I have scanxiety is an understatement. I have always been the strong, practical one. Some would say a fixer. I am feeling so incredibly helpless now though and watching the man I love disappearing in front of me is torture. I lost my Father 4 months before diagnosis and my mother 6 months prior to that. I feel that everything is catching up with me now and I am totally overwhelmed with it all emotionally. I worry that I am not being strong enough for my husband but really don't know what to do. I have wonderful supportive children and try to be strong for them. Despite this I feel incredibly lonely in this and my anxiety is off the scale for even trivial things. The fear of what lays ahead is taking over. I just need to know I am not alone in feeling this way and how I can get help.
Hi Pinklady welcome to the forum..Just to reassure.you that you are not alone in feeling like this and little wonder that you do feel as you do with all that family deaths, hubby 
and trying to keep everything together. You are only human and it sounds like it's time to seek out some help for you as we all have a breaking point. I wonder if the first stop is to speak to the GP and see if they can help get that anxiety under control.for you. They may suggest medication or maybe they have access to Counselling that they can refer you in to..The other thing you can do is to give the folks at Macmillan who are really good listeners to enable you to let out/off steam 08088080000. Please reach out to either for your own health and sending some hugs . Gail x
Hey Pinklady. 
I hear you my friend, my feelings are much the same as yours, my partner was diagnosed with AML on June 11. I have cried every day since that day to this, I find it practically impossible to talk to anyone about it face to face or on telephone without breaking down, in fact tears & snot are streaming down my face as I type this, the feelings of helplessness, dispare & anxiety are overwhelming, even everyday tasks are difficult. My partner is the strong one, & now I feel I must be strong for her & not burden her with my feelings as she is going through hell of her own, and my problems seem so trivial, but it is killing me inside. I may try dropping into a Maggies center to seek help, but I don't know as life is so busy now.
I do feel your pain & know it's real, as I feel it too, your post made me a little better knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way..
Thank you
David
