Changes in your relationship with a partner diagnosed with cancer

Hi, I just want to say I understand completely, I'm in a similar situation although my husband is quite well. I wish I could give you a hug but know you're doing the best you can, we're all navigating a very difficult journey

Hi Andrew1964 welcome to the forum..I know from.first hand experience that being a Carer is one of the hardest things anyone ever has to do..It often goes unnoticed, taken for granted that a spouse does that and no one ever asks us "is this OK with you"..It sounds awful for you right now but you have come to the right place to that, to offload and to share with others who know exactly how you are feeling..Talking to someone may be of benefit so you know that's available for you so why not give the Macmillan Line a call and have a chat with someone there? They are there for everyone not just the person with Cancer. 08088080000. Keep in touch and make those dog walks longer to give you more me time.sending some huge big hugs your way for now. Gail x

I’m also struggling as a carer for my husband.  My life is not my own.  My days revolve around looking after him, taking care of his meds, making sure he eats.  I’m scared to leave him for too long in case something happens.  We’ve been through a great deal of trauma and emergency trips to the hospital in the last couple of years . He has mets in his brain, lungs, kidneys & bones. The worst one is the brain It’s affected his cognitive as well as communication skills He can barely make a sentence as he can’t verbalise what he’s thinking so spends his days in silence. He’s confused a lot of the time partly caused by the brain tumour and swelling around it, and also partly due to the ongoing chemo treatments which have been punishing, so he has a lot of brain fog.  He’s also in a lot of pain from the tumours.

His whole personality has changed.  He used to be so strong, outgoing and full of life, with a great sense of humour.  Now he can barely do anything.  Everything is a struggle.  I hate what he’s become.  Gone is the big, strong man I married.  Cancer has seen to that.  In his place is a weak, frail shadow who spends his days struggling to cope with life.  He no longer socialises coz he can’t talk, is no longer active coz he’s too frail.  He’s depressed and isolated as a result.  Our world has shrunk into a repetitive routine of Groundhog Day.  I’m so sad and so angry that cancer has robbed us of a future together.   And all I can do is watch my husband slowly dying.  I am in utter turmoil.  

I'm totally with you all in this thread. I'm watchingmy husband deteriorate bit by bit. He can still get about and has some independence but bit by bit, I'm doing more and him less. Its heartbreakng, like a nightmare I want to wake up from.

There is no more treatment, so its just managing symptoms and giving the best quality possible. We try to make the best of the better days, to get out if we can, but these are getting fewer and shorter.  Our world has shrunk too.

Its good to have a place to feel less alone, to know others get it. 

I have been where you are for what feels like an eternity . My husband has terminal lung cancer and it's in the brain and liver.  No more treatment just managed symptoms.  Today has been hard as the syringe driver went  in but now he's not  in any pain or agitated because of the confusion.  I found it so difficult as the brain mets took him from me. I found he would find faults in every single thing I said or done . At first it hurt so much and I would spend so much time alone in a different room crying because he was never like that.  Do you have any family and friends that can help so as you can have you time,  it helped me just to get away from the house and full time caring.  Here has helped me to know I am not the only one who feels like this. On one of our many arguments Bryan once told me that planning his funeral and making his will was the last bit of power he had left. Made me feel bad for getting upset having to talk about it but I was able to understand a bit better why he went on about it so much . Sending hugs 

I so understand what all of you are feeling. Yes, there are days when my husband is short-tempered and gets cross for no reason. He feels the chemo takes away his short-term memory and he struggles with food and nausea as well. He usually forgets how grumpy he has been very quickly. 

But it is really trying to be patient and to keep my temper!