Husband, 46, moved to palliative care

Hi WestcountryWife 

Sorry to hear about how the news was presented.  When my wife was first diagnosed I thought of palliative care as meaning the end was near but as time went on I came to realise is just meant focusing on the symptoms rather than trying to cure.

My wife's cancer is different, Leiomyosarcoma but was incurable at diagnosis. However she did have two lots of chemotherapy and this caused her cancer to go to sleep and it has been that was for over 10 years now. 

Something I found quite helpful is your feelings when someone has cancer as being able to recognize these emotions and accept them as normal and valid can help make them a little less overwhelming.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Westcountry Wife, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings. Moving to palliative treatment and/or palliative care feels like a big change and the uncertainty is difficult to handle. I am in the same situation with my husband, though we are both retired & family grown up, which I think makes a difference. Still difficult though! We were told that his kidney / bladder cancer had spread to his lungs last September. After two major operations and several interventions, it felt like a physical blow & I got very anxious and sad. He had several months of chemotherapy, which reduced the tumours, followed by immunotherapy. We’re waiting to find out the results of CT scans to see what happens next, but I’m a lot calmer now and am learning to take one day at a time. Our lives have changed, we try to do little things together as much as possible, and plan for the future (updating his will, making sure his finances are in order, etc.) without thinking very far ahead. I hope you have some support so you can talk things through - that really helps me.

Thank you for replying. And I am sorry to hear about your wife. I am obviously shocked but it is the lack of ability to make things right for everyone else that I am struggling with. We are trying to get into the live every day way of thinking but husband is understandably struggling to even vaguely switch his mind off the inevitable :( 

Hi thank you for getting back to me. Im sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the immunotherapy is as successful as can be. Our oncologist was very honest in that currently no suitable immunology but there are trials in the states ongoing which may lead to potentials in a 'few years'. We have been told that the new liver met and 'multiple lung mets' have all become evident in the 4 months that chemo had stopped. Described as aggressively moving. We are at a loss. Thank you again for your response and best wishes x

Hi westcountrywife, we are in a similar position.  Just yesterday, we learned that chemo isn't working and has been stopped. My husband has multiple tumours all over growing quickky, from sarcoma. He has also been moved to palliative care only. I think I'm still shocked that it feels like he has been cast adrift. I never knew that he would no longer have an oncologist or a cancer nurse specilist and I am really struggling. I have no answers, I see watch the man I love deteriorating in front of my eyes.

Keep talking, it does help, and take any help you are offered.x