Advice....

Hi Tillyboo welcome to the forum.and that situation sounds really really stressful for you. Sadly you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Is it worth talking with hubby and letting him know how you are feeling when you feel your suggestions to him fall on deaf ears? I note that you have even more anxiety with your own health and awaiting an appointment at gynae. He has to understand that whilst he refuses any outside help you need that to enable you to concentrate on your health as you don't know what may be in front of you yet? Could he potentially be scared of the future for both of you? I think a chat would be a good place to start but you need not feel guilty about anything if he decides not to listen or act on your suggestions. Please come back and let us know how you get on? There are several different groups on here that you could join to get some support I'm not going to be too specific with you as the term 'gynae' is quite wide , but you can chose to look at these or not whatever suits you best..Best wishes Gail 

Thank you for your reply.

I have tried talking to him calmly & express how worried I am. But all he says is leave me alone, he cant see any change  after having all these treatments. He cant see any improvement its just feeling sick every day & niggly lower back pain. Which he thought once he had zometa & radiotherapy the pain would go straight away. He didnt know about my problem as I've kept it quiet, but couldnt cope with the pain & now on pathway, so its not worryimg about that. Though I have said, should I need surgery or anything, then outside help would be needed. I'm very organised & keep diarys of nausea, pain, food etc so as I have info to hand for Marsden when asked. He is now taking anti sickness every 8 hrs I'm even setting my alarm to remind me & if during nite hes sleeping I make sure  he takes it first thing. Most nights he goes to bed 10/11pm & then up at 2/3am & hes sat watching tv & goes back to bed. So his sleeping patterns all over the place.

His oncologist is ringing Tursday under the guise of checking on him after treatment, but its to check on him mentally & she as said she wont mention I've been in touch with my concerns. The Marsden have been fantastic support. The dietician gave him a little & often eating programme, hes not interested. I know hes scared, I know he doesnt like to fral with docs etc I've always done it. I was a carer for my sister & Mum both had cancer, so I'm used to caring, its in my nature to care for others even hospice voluntary many years ago.

But this is my husband whos also had a stroke & I cared for him through that. But he wasnt as bad to look after. I just think cancer is scary for everyone, but to be told stage 4 is still considered terminal ( a word I never use ). I do think hes depressed scared & feeling unwell with side effects. But its the eating part thats worrying me. 

But I'm tired now, I'm not the spring chicken I used to be! And in quite a lot of pain myself, which I hide well. 

But we all have our limits & I guess I've reached mine x