My husband, no, my soul sharer, has been diagnosed with bladder cancer. Awaiting CT on kidneys and at the very start of our journey.
I am utterly broken.
Every time I am alone, I cry - not for me, but for what he is going through currently and about to go through. I want to swap places. I want to take on his aches and pains. I don't want to see the man I love beyond anything, go through the s* that is cancer.
I sat in the garden and the birds were singing but I didn't hear them. I felt the sun but it was cold. I have stopped singing. I smile less. I'm functioning but not living, yet pretend to do so, so he doesn't worry.
This wasn't meant to happen - we had plans but they've been stolen.
Everyone around us - friends, family, are doing normal things - carrying on with life and I envy them, which makes me feel guilty.
I've known sadness but not like this. I'm broken.
Sorry - I appreciate I am one out of millions.
x
