My partner, 59 at the time, was diagnosed with hormone receptive breast cancer December 2023. She was immediately put on Letrozole, followed by a lumpectomy and radiotherapy.
We have been together 37 years; I attended all of the meetings and took her to all the radiotherapy sessions. Although she bounced back, while she was suffering from tiredness I did look after her. She has always been a big drinker. Following her diagnosis and treatment, I begged her to cut down on the alcohol. The only disagreement we had the whole time during her treatment was when she could not give a units/week figure to the oncologist. I volunteered the information and got a strip torn off of me after. The oncologist told her to either stop completely or drastically reduce her consumption.
In August 2024 she received the results of her DEXA scan, which revealed osteoporosis. They changed her prescription from Letrozole to Tamoxifen. A few days later we went away for the weekend. Lovely photos of us on the beach with friends. On our return, her mood started to change, and she started saying nasty things out of character. If she could see me reacting to her comments her abuse would escalate. I would try and speak to her a few days later and she would deny all knowledge of saying anything of the sort.
At the beginning of September 2024, I came home from work, she was doing her nails, and I could see a rage in her face. I asked what the matter was, and she exploded. Told me she didn’t want to be with me; to sell the house and we were to go our separate ways. I was shocked, but then when the rage subsided a few hours later, she went to the fridge and pulled out a piece of steak and said she had got it for me from another shop, if I liked it, she would get it from there in future.
Since then, she has been adamant that we are no longer in a relationship. She cooks food for me, irons my shirts for work, everything else is normal, except between us there is no intimacy or physical contact. I have learnt when she has a mood or rage coming, from the way she words a question, something as simple as a differently worded; “do you want a cup of tea?” With other people, she is completely normal, she will greet them with a peck and hug but will not touch me or allow me to touch her.
I spoke to a friend who had exactly the same cancer and treatments, including the osteoporosis and has been on Tamoxifen for 10 years. Without any prompting she went through all of the symptoms and relationship issues I have described here. She said it was a year plus before she started to feel a sense of normality, but at the time did not feel there was anything wrong with her. Unfortunately, her relationship did not survive.
Is anyone else experiencing this?
I have seen a similar post from 2011 on Macmillan, and on other breast cancer sites, but unfortunately there seems to be no information or support for people going through this. I have personally been assessed by therapists, but they say there is nothing they can do for me as it is a relationship issue, the other person needs to be involved, and they referred me back to Macmillan.
