My dear partner has Lynch syndrome driven throat cancer and has been battling hard for 17 years, we met 15 years ago when I had my own cancer diagnosis and together we beat seemed the odds, but now it’s taking over and he’s quickly shutting down.
For weeks I’ve been struggling to eat because I feel so bad eating knowing he can’t eat properly, I have reserves so it’s not a big deal but I struggle so much with the guilt of being able to sit in the sun when he’s bed bound or take a sip of a drink without choking when he is struggling and hurting so fricking much.
He’s the only reason I’m here, he’s actually saved my life a few times and all I keep thinking is how I don’t wanna live without him.
I just don’t know how to lessen the guilt, I can’t let him see me struggling now.
Hi Tardigraded
Welcome to our community I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
My experience of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma. At one point in her illness she was really struggling to eat anything and thinks the only thing that kept her going was she felt ok-ish sucking ice cubes.
I get what you mean about feeling guilty being able to eat normally but is is worth thinking how important us keeping well is to being able to look after our loved ones. Something I found quite helpful at one point was making sure I got our for a walk once a day - my GP referred to it as eco-therapy.
I find the guide Your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful as it helps me recognize the emotions and accept them as normal in this situation and can help to make them feel less overwhelming.
<<hugs>>
Steve
