My partner of three years is currently receiving treatment at Castle Hill Hospital. This is the second time he’s been in treatment, and it’s a difficult time for both of us. He’s just undergone a cell transplant, which is a major procedure, and I’ve been trying to be there for him in any way I can, even if that means giving him the space he’s asked for.
The last time I spoke to him was on the 20th, and the last message I received from him was on the 21st. In that message, he mentioned that the doctors were expecting him to feel the same for the next 3-5 days, and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been almost a week now, and I haven’t had any word from him—no texts, no calls, nothing. He specifically asked for space and told me not to visit, so I’ve been respecting that, but the silence is starting to feel unbearable.
Every day, I call the hospital to check in and see how he’s doing. I appreciate the updates I get from the ward staff, and I know he’s aware that I’m thinking of him. I’ve sent him little treats and things to cheer him up, and I’m grateful to know he’s received them. But still, there’s this aching feeling that he hasn’t reached out to me at all—not even to send a quick text to say “I’m fine.” And that leaves me feeling lost, confused, and questioning where we stand.
I keep wondering if I’m the only one who has experienced this, where their partner or spouse completely cuts off all contact. Is this normal? Am I overreacting by feeling like I’m being left in the dark? There’s a part of me that feels guilty for even having these thoughts because I understand he’s going through something so difficult, and I want to be supportive. But the silence is painful, and it’s hard not to take it personally.
On top of everything, there’s the other thing I can’t shake—the fact that on the 18th, I found out something that completely shook me. I discovered that for the past year and a half, my partner had been having an affair with a 21-year-old. I’m 33, and he’s 60, and I don’t know how to make sense of it all. I’ve been struggling with that knowledge ever since, and in the brief moments we’ve spoken, that’s all we’ve really discussed—what happened, how it happened, and where things stand now.
So now I’m left in this limbo. He’s in the hospital, and I want to be there for him, but I also don’t know how to balance that with the hurt and betrayal I’m feeling. I’m constantly wondering if I should just stop reaching out, stop trying, and let him be. The selfish part of me wonders if I should pull back, stop making any effort, and let him deal with things on his own. I'm sure even the staff on Ward 33 are sick of me calling and telling them to please pass along my good thoughts. But then there’s the part of me that feels like I’d be giving up on him, on us, on everything we’ve built together. I promised to stand by him for better or worse, and right now, this feels like one of those worst moments and he's shutting me out.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope, and I can’t see the end. Should I stop trying and give him the space he’s asking for, or should I keep reaching out in the hope that one day, he’ll come back to me, and we can rebuild what we once had? Will I ever get my partner back? Or have things gone too far, and there’s no way to return to what we were?
I’m left wondering if there’s a light at the end of this tunnel—if things can ever go back to how they were, or if I’m just holding onto something that’s already gone.
Thank you.
