Stressed and so alone

Oh Spiritinthesky, I'm so sorry you're in this place. Cancer is so cruel. I'm supporting my daughter with her treatment for a very aggressive cancer (nearly two years now) and my husband has post stroke disabilities, including cognition Impairment, and is awaiting tests for Parkinson's or Alzheimer's. I feel that life is a never ending round of medical appointments, waiting for results and just having to do everything myself. Like you, my husband is no longer able to drive and I don't. 

I survive by making sure I make some time for myself every day, even if it's only a walk in the park or an hour with a posh coffee and a book in a tea shop. I do meet friends when I can for a few hours and go to a ladies' group at my church. Try and find a way to do something you enjoy, whether it's running, swimming or simply catching up with the Soaps! And do try to see friends yourself now and again. 

Keep posting here, there is so much support. Sending a hug (((( ))))

Spirit, the Macmillan help line is also a great support, as are Maggies centres if you have one near you.

Hi Cherry2,

thankyou for taking time to reply to my post. Yesterday OH was diagnosed with an upper arm fracture, due to bone mets from the cancer. This came after physio told us it was muscle related pain and gave him an exercise programme! So no driving for him now, for a couple of months we reckon, and more for me to do while he rests his arm.

Thankyou again for being there. It does help knowing other people are in the same sort of situations. Sometimes in 'real life' it feels as if we're the only ones. I wish your daughter and husband well, and I'm sending you a hug. xx

Hi,

I listen to audiobooks to try and take my mind off everything as it can sometimes just be so overwhelming. Like you I feel like I’m coping alone as people are getting on with their own lives and making plans and we can’t. It is so tough and unfair. I have occasionally asked for help and friends do one thing but then they don’t offer again so I don’t feel I can ask. I just crack on by myself. Hugs to you.

Hi Spirit & Co xx

Reaching out is so hard to do, it’s sometimes easier to do with strangers than friends and family and hopefully you will gain a bit of strength from posting on here. Cherry has mentioned MacMillan and Maggies, they are 2 amazing resources and accessible through phone if you don’t have one close by. This forum is a great support but maybe their phone service is something you might find reassuring at this time and will help ease your fingernails. Sometimes, it is more difficult for the folk around the loved one with cancer and I’m not sure why.

You can read my blurb but basically, I’m the one with the diagnosis and prior to June 23, I had a normal enough life. My partner and I had muddled through for 13 years prior to the C bomb. He did not cope well with all the changes and how I’ve managed, I do not know. Maybe it’s because I had no choice, it’s fair to say it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. I think the secret is to gather up all the resources out there and use them to help keep things ticking over the best they can to avoid crisis points. Your OH upper arm fracture is a low blow. Now more than ever, is the perfect time to draft in all your friends and family and tell them what you need - even if it’s to drop in the milk for the tea! I was told not to move for 10 weeks with a fractured sternum, it’s not easy, 

Despite having their own lives, friends and family will want to help but not be sure how or when - make it easier for them by designating what you would like from them, even if it’s just to pick you and your other half up and get yous out for an hour. (MacMillan have volunteer drivers who can take your OH to appointments and your hospital will have transport you can enquire about). A bit of ‘you time’ is essential. Getting half an hour to yourself with no commitments is essential so you can recharge. 

Not long after my diagnosis, my mum was diagnosed with bladder cancer, talk about blowing me down with a feather!!! I can get so bogged down with the dreaded thing that I am lucky enough to go off grid for a day or 2 to recharge, no where fancy, just shutting my front door and screening my mobile. I can honestly say from my perspective it is harder being the Carer. I think most of us on here appreciate how things can change with a blink of an eye - and it’s learning how to bbbrrreeeaaattthhh in between the changes that seems impossible, BUT we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, especially when it comes to seeing to our own needs.

If you think it will help to PM anytime feel free. I’m not on here everyday, but I check in when I can. Take care xx

• Thankyou for your reply, apologies for not responding sooner. OH was seen by orthopaedic surgeon this week, now awaiting surgery to replace his shoulder as the fracture is a bad one and won't heal without an op. He is in so much pain, and I feel so helpless. He takes morphine for the pain and sleeps a lot, better for him but lonely for me. Some days are awful, others tolerable, but we're trying our best. I too use audiobooks, can't seem to concentrate on much else. It's all so hard, isn't it? People really have no idea, but then you wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm just thankful for the few good friends we have, and for people like yourself. Thankyou again xx