Hi, I’m new to the forum and I am in desperate need of connecting with others going through a similar experience to hopefully help me work on my coping mechanisms and improve my mental health. My mum was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in October. We have been told they are hopeful for a cure with chemotherapy, a full mastectomy and then potentially radiotherapy which is the best outcome we could hope for and I know I should be so so greatful she has a chance to fight this. I made the agreement with my sister that I would be the main carer especially when it came to taking her to her appts etc as my manager agreed I can manage my workload around these appointments and pay the time back. I made this agreement before really understanding just how overwhelming this whole journey would be and I am just completely overwhelmed. My mum also suffers from an auto immune disease which has made the whole treatment process even more challenging for her. I had no idea what to expect going into this as everyone’s journey is different but I don’t think anything could have prepared me for this. Seeing her so poorly is breaking me and I’m really struggling to juggle caring for her, her appts, working, making my time back and managing my own home. The chemo has really impacted her mobility so even on her good days she needs a walking stick and struggles to walk for anything more than maybe 5/10 minutes and she needs accompanying whilst she walks as her legs can just suddenly go and she needs to hold on to someone. For her bad days we have had to purchase a wheelchair to be able to get her to and from her appointments. There’s been no end of issues with her appointments at the hospital and some weeks they just feel relentless. If everything goes to plan we have 2 appts on her treatment week, 1 for bloods and the next for her treatment then the following 2 weeks it’s a weekly appointment for her picc care. On weeks where it doesn’t go to plan they can bee daily like the other week. We were there Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday. Then back on the Monday. On her bad recovery weeks I work from my mums house to help her bath, take care of the dogs for her and just take care of anything else she might need. I also pop over evenings and weekends when needed and try to plan things in with her for her good days to boost her morale. I’m now at the point where I just feel completely burnt out. I’m not coping with my workload at work as I feel so mentally and physically exhausted o just can’t focus on the tasks I need to complete and my job is a very mentally demanding job. I know there’s options for hospital transportation but 1 I’ve heard the patient can be picked up way before appts and then be waiting hours to be returned and 2 I don’t want my mum thinking she is a burden. One of her most recent appoints was a scan to remeasure her tumour and they have told her that this has actually grown which has absolutely terrified me. My main priority is my mum and I just want to be there for her in every way I can but I know that I’m really struggling with a rollercoaster of emotions. I make sure I don’t let my mum see how hard I’m finding this as she needs to just think of herself and keep fighting this. Today I’ve now had a update from upper management that my company is doing a massive restructure which will be resulting in redistribution of roles and redundancy’s and my role is within scope of this. I feel Like this has just sent me over the edge when I’m already so stressed and low trying to navigate everything happening in my personal life. I’m sorry for the word vomit but I’m just so desperate to get myself into a better mindset and understand how everyone else copes with being a carer for something like this.
