My partner has been diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer. Same story as sooooo many others. No real symptoms until it was too late, clear colonoscopy 18m ago and now Stage IV and Liver and Lung Mets. Non operable. Responding to chemo so far. Well and doesnt currently seem poorly (thankfully).
I was heartbroken. I am heartbroken. But I am also a person from childhood trauma. I can build my defensives high and strong. And I feel that this is whats happening now to the detriment of our relationship. Im numb. Shut off any extreme feelings towards the cancer and in turn, them.
I can find lots of stories of the diagnosed pushing their loved ones away but Im seeking a commonality with the other side. How do I work at letting my guard down? How do I let my spouse close to me again? Is this a denial stage? Or just sheer protection? Im wasting precious time I know… Im letting them down. At least thats how it feels.
