I feel awful for posting this but I’m really just a bit lost now.
partner was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma. Had a full lymph node dissection in December and out of 35 they took out only one was positive for cancer.
his anxiety about his next CT scan must be weighing on his mind and I can’t imagine what he’s feeling but now absolutely everything relates back to his cancer. If I mention that I didn’t like something he said to me he goes off the rails and end up screaming at me saying that he’s setting up a life for me so I can live with the next person after he’s gone.
his results have been so positive so far and he already had a very negative mind-state before he got cancer but I feel Im doing such a disservice to him and that I can’t properly care for him in the way he needs but I also can’t figure out what that need is. He is booking golf trips with his friends and buying things that make him happy but I always seem to get the bad side of him and it’s really wearing me down.
His insults have put me at the end of my rope and I had to call his mother and sister to ask them to talk to him and now I just feel like a complete failure.
Has anyone been through a situation with cancer with a negative mindset partner with anxiety. Should I expect this from him for the next 5 years until he gets the all clear? I can feel the resentment building up and I just hate myself for it.
Hi Bbeca2020
A warm welcome to our community, I hope you find it supportive and helpful.
I have on the odd occasion had a passing remark such as "this is the last time we will do this" but not on a scale like you describe.
With us perhaps things were the other way around in that I was putting a lot of thought in to how I would cope after Janice had gone, especially as we had a young son and I was easily able to imaging things a lot worse that actually happened. I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me. We often talk on here on living day to day and partially that was a major help since by focusing on each day I found I could enjoy the good days and then there seemed to be more good days. The breathing exercises were great too for helping when life decided to throw us a curve ball but also in helping me relax and get some sleep.
Posting on here can be helpful but if you find it might be helpful you are also welcome to ring the helpline
<<hugs>>
Steve
