Hey all,
Hope youre all as well as you can be.
My mum was diagnosed last year and its been chaos since then but we are taking this battle on. Ive dealt fine with the aggressive treatment side effects, the ambulance call outs, appiointments, hospital visits and everything that comes with that. Im there for all of that. But, what I am struggling with is my mums mood. I understand treatment is gruelling she feels awful some days and shes more than allowed to feel her feelings. But, I struggle to be around it when its long periods of time. Even though I know she hasnt, it seems like shes given up when the exhaustion takes her. She seems almost depressed but adament she isnt, just tired. She wont speak to Macmillian or her GP.
I live with my mum atm and I feel id get on better if I had my own sanctuary to go to at night. So maybe my own place might be an idea? Because I spend a lot of time in my bedroom so she can rest and this isnt good for me. Is that selfish.....?
She has immunotherapy for 1yr that started last week and im already struggling with her mood. She can put a front on for others but not me. I know it must be debilitating her doing so, but I also have health things going on and try my best to keep spirits up because the alternative is youre miserable everyday and thats not a life. An up and down journey is expected but I didnt expect this consistent low mood. It really is only me who she will allow to help out. I know ill muddle through but I dont know if I can do this for 1 year on my own. Im constantly faking an upbeat mood and its exhausting but it helps keep spirits up. I also appreciate its more than ok to drop the fakery and be real about it. But sitting in that is awful long term and I personally dont want too.
She also cant eat much as it hurts to swallow and she has very little appetite but wont take the meal replacement drinks so shes losing weight. Its a constant battle to get her to take care of herself. She knows she needs to keep the weight on but wont take the steps. Ive stopped mentioning it too her and taken the approach to leave it with her because getting on at her isnt helpful to her or myself.
Im at a loss as to what to do for her. Or how I will cope.
Hi Wildflower__
A great many carers find themselves struggling with their loved ones eating. Sometimes it seems the patients find eating difficult but also it is one of the few things they can control. If you can it might be helpful to shift the drive over to the oncology team since as you say otherwise it can help neither of you.
I know I had to find a way to look after me if I wanted to be at my best when I was really needed. Many carers find themselves asking the question of it they are being selfish but truly looking after ourselves is essential.
Has your mum had a needs assessment? You can read about these on the NHS website.and you could get a carers assessment too - it can be very helpful to have an independent view and someone who is knowledgeable about what is available too.
I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me and sometimes I wonder how we got from one day to another but somehow we do.
<<hugs>>
Steve
