Lonely and heartbroken

I feel your pain so bad. My partner was diagnosed August had no real symptoms then got told 3 places so treatable not curable.  He was coping with chemo and tumours were shrinking he then had a partial blockage in bowel. 3 weeks in hospital to come home and week later passed away Christmas Day. You honestly feel like you are detached from the real world..nobody else is relevant and other conversations you are oblivious to. You are in a bubble of hell. We were told different things in hospital then kept having rug pulled from us so was an emotional rollercoaster.  I feel robbed for the amount of time we had. I was so scared waiting and I'm now waiting for my time to be with him again cos I'm broken. Spend every second with him, touch him  kiss him , talk to him constantly.  Big hugs to you x

Thanks for replying and I am so sorry to hear your story. It has been a total emotional rollercoaster for us as well with rugs being pulled every day. Sending big hugs back x

I found out my husband had advanced cancer 7 years ago and it was exhausting I was 43. I also have 4 boys all young then and it was hard. It’s scary and lonely but it’s early days for you and you are only just adjusting to this situation. Allow yourself some rest and try not to think about the future too much (hard I know) 

Thank you so much, good advice. I hope you and your boys are ok x

Hi LDJ16,

I know pretty much how you feel. My late wife was a young 49 years old when she was first diagnosed and, while she fought bravely for 7 1/2 years, the cancer proved too much for her.

The years when I was her full time carer were not easy - far from it. Every full time carer knows the pain, the constant pressure, the moments when it all feels too much. But every day is an opportunity to amaze yourself, You'll get up and face whatever cancer chooses to throw at you - and it will throw it.

It feels like a mountain, with a never ending range of mountains behind it. Try not to lose yourself in the enormity of it (and it is all too easy to do so). Take a deep breath and look at it like trying to eat an elephant sandwich - just take it one bite at a time. You can't tackle everything at once and you'll only burn yourself out if you try.

Above all else, remember to look after yourself. You will do your husband no good if you're in no state to look after yourself. Try and give yourself 10 minutes a day to yourself. It doesn't matter if you just zone out, go out into the garden, go for a walk - it really doesn't matter.

I used to take 10 minutes to look back on the day  - what I got right, what and how I could improve. I didn't focus on what went wrong, or worried about the days ahead. Just on what I got right and how I can do better. I look back with a great deal of pride in how I cared for my darling Marg.

You said, "I cannot and do not want to live without him."

Rather than wondering how you will live without him, learn how to live with the love he left behind in you.

I hope you and your husband find peace.

Peace,
Ewen :-)

Thank you Ewen for your lovely reply and wise words. I hope that you have found peace too.