resentment

I’m so sorry for your terrible burden. It’s not uncommon to feel anger as you are having a difficult time trying to deal with your mother’s illness. You see your mum behaving normally and seemingly without a trouble in the world. Be thankful. I think she’s lucky that she isn’t capable of understanding the nightmare she’s going through. On the other hand, you are devastated with the prospect of losing your mother and dealing with all the tests and diagnosis. Do you have any other family to turn to?  I was diagnosed with secondary melanoma early last year and I know the hell my husband, sisters, daughters and son went through. Everyone locally prayed for me and continue to do so now. My husband couldn’t sleep and one of my daughters has had to deal with anxiety since. Cancer brings with it fear, worry, anger, suffering and a million other emotions. Don’t beat yourself up. Be angry if it helps. Shout, scream, cry or anything that helps to release the pain you feel inside. I think you are wonderful and your Mum must be so proud of you.  Try to spend  happy times with her so that you’ll be able to remember them when she has gone. Remember, none of us can live forever, that’s what life is about but we can still spend quality time with our friends and family thankfully. 
  Look after yourself and don’t overdo things. Make sure to stay healthy and well. Don’t allow your health to become affected. 
Best wishes.