A long road

It's awful isn't it when you spend your time with someone you love but hardly recognise them anymore due to this vile illness.  It is tough being the carer, I know only too well but we keep going for them. I've questioned why him on so many occasions but in the end I just have to let it go as there aren't any answers and all it does is give me a headache. Take time for yourself, I've learnt to do that and I'm also stepping back a bit now. It's like regrouping, then you get the strength to go again at whatever's thrown your way. Sending best wishes to you and your husband 

Thank you

when I re read my message it sounded selfish on my part when I see what’s he is going through - past and present. I tried to delete it but couldn’t. You’re right - everyone says look after yourself so that’s what I’m trying to do. I think I’ll soon need more help from palliative care team but for now he’s managing himself with family helping. So strong. 

I don’t think you are being selfish at all and it’s a good thing you couldn’t delete it. My husband has stage 4 prostate cancer and is struggling through radium treatment. He’s had all chemo and radiotherapy also. It’s a brutal brutal disease and I don’t think there is enough talked about it and how it turns you upside down. No one can understand the trauma unless you are in the situation. Yes you have to take care of yourself because that helps your husband too. It doesn’t ease our pain but is a necessary practicality. I have to admit I feel permanently afraid and anxious. I have forgotten what it’s like to feel relaxed and happy. My best wishes to you and everyone going through this nightmare.

Not selfish at all. When I went to bed last night, I thought exactly  the  same  with what I posted. But thats  exactly  how I felt at the time of posting.  We take on so much as carers and are expected to keep a permanent  smile on our faces even though we're  dealing with everything. I'm now doing all the driving to various appointments but I don't  moan or say anything about it, I  just pick up the keys and get in the drivers seat. So what I'm  trying to say is we're entitled to feel like we do. If that comes across as selfish, so be it x

I think it’s a comfort we all feel the same. Wishing we were somewhere else. My husbands cancer is visible which seems to make it worse. Neck cancer is so cruel. 

Thank you for the responses. We are not alone. 

I don’t think you are selfish. I feel the same at times, my wife has been 8 years post diagnosis of mesothelioma, and initially given only 12 months. A miracle of treatments has prolonged her life, at the cost of her being almost unrecognisable from the woman I married. It is tiring and exhausting and mentally challenging, and is very hard to know how we keep going, but we do.