Mum is 63. She was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in November. She's had an ileostomy i think nearly 4 weeks ago now.
She doesn't have a partner, so my brother and I have taken her to all her appointments, and tried to help her at home as much as we can. We both have children under three.
She had a stoma fitted. The next step was supposed to be building strength for 3 months of chemo.
Mum had a rough time recovering from her surgery. She'd complain about the staff, the food, the bed, the pillows, the light. She'd have episodes where she'd lie in the bed, her eyes closed, just moaning.
She's home, and she asked us to put a single bed in her living room. We said we'd rather she used the sofa bed (a pull out double bed) so she can pack it away as she recovers her strength for chemo.
She hasn't really left the bed. She doesn't feed herself unless someone reminds her. She doesn't wash more than weekly so far, when someone helps her up the stairs. She forgets her medicine. She said she was avoiding cups of tea for her stoma, but the nurse looked very confused when she said that to them in the oncology appointment I last took her to.
The oncology doctor said she really needs to be moving more, getting up and getting outside. I suggested putting the downstairs bed away to start building strength and she snapped at me, then later cried to my sibling.
She doesn't open the curtains. We tried to set her up with online shopping and she started swearing and shouting and saying it was too hard.
It's 3 weeks until her next oncology appointment to check whether she can have the chemo, to possibly extend her life a couple years. I can't help but feel she won't get there.
I'm just a bit lost. And sad. And angry she won't try harder. But it's her life.
Anyone experienced similar? Or had ideas that might help at all?
Hi Dollhouse
I am Steve one of the community champions here on the forum, my experience with cancer is through my wife having Leiomyosarcoma.
The situation with your mum sounds very difficult, it can be especially difficult when we feel our loved ones are not doing everything we think they should though of course it can be very difficult to know exactly how they are feeling.
Might they be worried about the chemotherapy? There will be a number of tests beforehand to ensure she is ready but the list of potential side effects can cause concern despite of course most people only getting some of them.
You mention a couple of years, is that because you have a prognosis, often they have limited use but of course once given they cannot be taken back.
As you you and your brother it might be helpful to look at your feelings when someone has cancer. I found being able to recognize the emotions and accept them a valid was quite helpful in making them less overwhelming.
<<hugs>>
Steve
