Hi, My Dad was diagnosed with terminal bowel and liver cancer 3 months ago. My Dad is My Mums carer (she had a stroke). I live I Dorset they live in Suffolk so a hefty distance. My sister is great she lives close to them and helps out, I travel to stay with them as much as possible. I am currently with my parents for Christmas. I have done my best to help, stay strong for them but today I've cracked. Dad has lost so much weight and is so thin and frail that today he collapsed trying to get off the loo, he was too weak. I did manage to get him up eventually, I guess I need to find a toilet seat raiser or something as the frame around the toilet is too high for him to lever himself off. It's so degrading for him and so hard for me to see him like that. We had a chat (without Mum around) he said I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, this is no life. We hugged, we cried. Now I just can't stop crying. My husband is back home dealing with the same situation with his Dad but I feel so alone. Sorry, I know everyone here will have similar stories and feel just the same, I guess I just needed to admit I'm struggling.
Hi Tearful
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it useful and I am glad you have reached out here.
The idea of a toilet seat raiser sounds good, my parents had one for some years and my wife needed one when she came out of hospital after her hysterectomy - fingers crossed you can get one and that it helps.
I sometimes think that when I cracked it was about the best thing that happened to me at the time. I found so much support out there and in some ways it helped me reconnect with the world and perhaps feel less alone. If I look now at your feelings when someone has cancer I recognize so many things I went through and now recognize those feelings as valid can help make them less overwhelming.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Steve thank you, your reply means a lot & yes I managed to get the toilet seat raiser (was a trek but worth it) he managed well with it today but he's deteriorating daily 
, the palliative care nurses are visiting tomorrow 
. I read your post, you have been through so much so thank you for taking the time to reply
Hi tearful,
You are very brave and not alone in the sense that other people struggle with similar situations but your situation is also very difficult and I deeply empathize with you. Very good that you express your feelings on this website, a first step to at least process everything that is happening.
I hope you don’t give up seeking more help and support since you need and deserve it so much !
My prayers go out to you, merry Xmas in spite of these circumstances
