I just need to vent. Say all the things I can't at home. Just before xmas 2023 my M.I.L got results of a blood test that sent her for xrays. They found a shadow in her lung, cue CT, MRI, and they found that she had a tumor in her kidney that had metastasized to her lungs and brain.
My hubby and I took it in turns to be with her all the time, caring for her.
We lost her in July this year. She was 63.
Now my hubby, my rock, my best friend has been told he has rectal cancer and it probably spread to the liver (he has swelling there)
In a couple of days he has a colonoscopy scheduled for a final diagnosis, but he has the swollen belly, no appetite, constant night sweats and fatigue. I feel I am going to lose him, I am terrified. On the outside I'm doing everything, I m strong, I positive, we'll get through this attitude. But on the inside I'm a mess, I think it's too late, I m not strong at all.
Hi AUBella
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it useful.
It does sometimes feel like life it out to get us, that "being strong" bit I wish it was as easy to do as it is to type and venting can really help. Typing on here can be great and if we need the helpline is available - I have cried at them in the past.
The feeling we are going to lose a loved one is very common and is sometimes talked about as anticipatory grief, I know I had some of that and one issue was it blocked me from appreciating what we have.
<<hugs>>
Steve
We are here for you to listen: It is extremely hard since indeed you cannot talk about these things freely at home.
You are strong even if you don’t feel that way. It is allright to have these feelings. Even Jesus felt despair on many occasions and you are only human !
my deepest sympathies and prayers
