Two years on from advanced prostate with bone mets diagnosis. Enzalutamide, radiotherapy, chemo, now radium to target the bone pain, which is constant and quite debilitating. No sex life at all, he was given a penis pump but it hasn't come out of the box, for any reason. No affection either, he seems to have nothing left to give me. I've been supportive all the way, I still am. I try to do everything, not expect anything from him. I know I'm selfish and unkind, I know it's so much worse for him, but we don't share this with anyone, he tells everyone he's ok, even family. At hospital apts he plays it down. I don't know how to do this, I feel totally alone with nobody to talk to. We're together all the time, and I just feel trapped. I know there are so many of you who are so much worse off, and I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, but I do. Please don't suggest Maggie's or whatever, there isn't one anywhere nearby and anyway he'd want to know where I was going. At least now I've told someone. I've tried telling him how I feel, but after I've said it he just pretends I haven't, or sulks. I'm so miserable, we're just living a lie.
Welcome to our community, I hope you find having somewhere to talk helpful.
Sometimes people with cancer can be worried that people will treat them poorly and so not want to reveal it but often that leaves their loved ones in a really difficult situation to get the support we need. You are of course welcome to ring the helpline here - 0808 808 0000 - it is open from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week and I have certainly cried at them in the past.
<<hugs>>
Steve
