One year on from hubby's prostatectamy

Hi GCGloria welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have been supporting hubby already so continue as you have been. It's difficult to move forward with any certainty without waiting for further check scans and blood tests. However, putting your lives on hold might seem an option, but it means that disease wins and that's not good, because you have a whole life to live. I'm sure one of my colleagues will be along soon with further information for you and to offer more support. Best wishes for now. X

Hi GC Gloria, and a warm welcome from me, I too have prostate cancer with a rising PSA, and know it' a difficult place to be at times, and have been having 3-monthly blood tests for 30 months, my advice for you would be for you to join the prostate cancer forum, you will find many wonderful ladies and guys, happy to offer support, advice or somewhere to just offload or have a rant or even a laugh. they are all either going through, or been through what you and your husband are starting on and understand all the emotions a cancer diagnosis comes with and how to move on and get on with living, your situation is familiar to many on the prostate forum, who will happily share their experiences with you.

my best wishes to you both.

Eddie 

Thank you Gail, it's up again now so he is just digesting that while being told they're not going to do anything yet, just wait until next 3 month test.

Thank you Eddie.  Three months on and it's up again but they're saying just to watch and wait till the next 3 month test. When you say you've lived like this for 30 months it helps put our experience into perspective. I will go onto the prostate cancer forum and continue keeping up to date there.

Thank you again, wishing you well.

GC Gloria

Hi Gloria, it's good to hear from you again, though I wish it was under better circumstances, I am sorry to hear your husband's PSA  has risen again, but it's good to hear your joining the prostate cancer forum, their a wonderful group of people both guys with prostate cancer or their wives/partners, and will be able to offer you support and advice to help you through this difficult time you are experiencing.  Gloria that your team is happy to wait another 3 months, is good news, as it means the cancer is still in the early stages and when treatment is needed, it will be to cure, can I ask when you post on the prostate forum you include some details, if possible, his Gleason score, TNM staging and PSA numbers for all his tests, I look forward to seeing you on the forum soon my friend, and thank you for your good wishes.

Eddie xx 

My husband has had prostectamy 4 weeks ago and is had to do PSA test . I hope it comes up really low. I truly am sorry and hope this doesn't happen to him. This has caused me to worry more now and I'm already struggling with the no intimate contact and his not having any sensation and not seeking advice on getting a pump to help. I am frustrated with him ATM and feeling rejected. 

Hi RosieCat 2011,

I'm sorry you are having to go through this.  If it's any help we are now still at 3-monthly blood tests and PSA slowly creeping up (but still not at level for the radiotherapy and hormone therapy to start - it has to reach 0.2 for that to happen).

It is now over 2 years since hubby's operation and (although it may be hard for you to feel this now at your early days stage) but life does settle down again. We just get all on edge again when it comes to the blood test results time.  Then we get on with day-to-day life and keep busy.

I know everyone is different and feelings are up and down but my husband took weeks and weeks to start taking advice on the pump/medication route.  I tried to keep reminding myself that I just couldn't imagine what it must be like for him to be facing this disease and the massive road ahead, the shock to the system etc. Plus he'd just had major surgery and I think there were all sorts of dreadful things going through his mind.  It took a long time, but I just tried to be there, and kept telling myself to be kind to him (I needed to keep reminding myself, because I was getting really fed up at times - but we're not allowed to show that, are we??!!).  

The other thing I did was try to get out and do something for myself a couple of times a week.

I'm not sure if that is helpful to you. It does seem to be early days if your husband's op was only 4 weeks ago and I know my husband took a few months to pick up again, so maybe and hopefully time will help.

Wishing you strength and support.

Thank you for your reply.  You are correct in saying we are not allowed to show this and we have got to think about what the other half is going through. 

I get frustrated because he doesn't seem to want any support and not getting any information from people who have been through it and not asking questions as if he is oblivious. 

I keep telling him I need support and he needs to ask people who have been through the process questions that he obviously wants to ask, like he doesn't know when he should start using the pump and he doesn't know what it's going to feel like when we eventually get intimate again and how long it will take as well as what he can do to help himself get feeling again.

I am having to look into it and tell him. I have told him I need advise and support as well and need to talk to partners who are or have been through this and he needs to answers too, from people who know.

I am also worried about if it spreads and I think he must be too but doesn't talk or express his feelings.  It's very frustrating. 

There might be some experts on the prostate cancer forum here that might be able to suggest more practical help than me just saying to give it time. As regards it spreading, my understanding ( and help from the prostate cancer forum here) is that when it looks like it's on the march again thats when they start with the radiotherapy and hormones.

It might be that the op has done the trick. A really close friend of ours ŵent through the op 2 weeks after my hubby did, and he's been in the clear with really good blood tests ever since. So random.

On the intimacy and conversation front, mine is normally the 'silent man' who normally never talks about stuff. Over the months he has gone into patches of being open to talk, so I grab the chance and make the most of it. Maybe your husband needs more time. X 

Thank you for replying. My Husband has never talked about his problems and how he is feeling in the 25 years we have been married and doesn't like to express what he is feeling and thinking. Sometimes I have lost it with him to get him to talk but I don't want to do that atm as I know he has a lot to worry about. I think some men are like this.