Hi all. My dad was diagnosed with very aggressive stage 4 brain cancer a few months ago (glioblastoma). Since then he’s lost all mobility on one side of his body and has become completely bedridden and wheelchair-bound. He requires round-the-clock care for even the most basic activities (sitting, eating, bathroom, etc.). Other than his immobility, he is fully alert, cognitively well, responsive, and normal.
Unfortunately we don’t have a lot of treatment options left. His doctors have essentially told him that he should focus on enjoying the remainder of his life. However, my dad feels that he cannot even enjoy his life anymore because he’s completely bedridden. There’s no “end of life bucket list” for us to embark on. He was an extremely active and busy man prior to the diagnosis and loved to travel. His immobility has been devastating on his mental health.
Dad says that he feels that he is in “God’s waiting room” lying in bed waiting to die. He spends his days feeling trapped, lying there, waiting. He’s not actively dying, and we are not anywhere close to being on hospice. He’s just been told that he will eventually die and to enjoy the time he has left. Without his independence, however, he feels that he has nothing left to enjoy. His depressing has become overwhelming. He’s lost all sense of purpose. Therapists have visited but nothing seems to alleviate his despair. He’s lost all sense of purpose and he cries daily.
As his child and caregiver, I’m at a loss. I want so much to help him feel some comfort or peace, but I have no idea how. His doctors have tried to give him silver linings or “making the most of this time” but frankly, this situation is just devastating and none of that changes things.
I’m reaching out to see if anyone has been through something similar or has any insight into how to support a loved one who feels so hopeless. Any advice or shared experiences would be deeply appreciated.
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it useful.
With my dad it was not cancer but some kind of seizures that took him from us bit by bit. He never lost his mobility but he did need a lot of care.
One thing we did with both my parents is look back through their photo albums, we found out so much information about when they met and the struggles they had when they were young and it really made them seem even more remarkable than we ever knew.
Watching a loved one cry is never easy and nor is it really easy to deal with when we cry too. I cried quite a bit with my wife's cancer but it can help to let some of those emotions out. Sometimes just sitting there with a light touch on the arm can actually feel very supportive.
<<hugs>>
Steve
