Long term coping

Hi Riley2021 

Janice has had cancer now for over 10 years. Her initial treatment was - eventful - I ended up doing a living with less stress course with Maggies 

A big element was the learning to live in the moment - I was really good at coming up with worries about how I would cope in the future and could imagine things much worse than they actually turned out. The controlled breathing exercises were great too for helping me relax but also for when we got some disappointing news, perhaps that old saying of step back and take a deep breath. The transcendental meditation bit though did not really work for me.

Recently I had issues at work too and something my GP suggested was some green walking therapy - fortunately we have a park fairly close to us so it was quite good to get out and listen to bird song.

One thing we often see on here is carers talking about feeling selfish for taking some time to care for themselves, actually I find if I do not look after me I can rapidly become helpful to nobody and so it is really good for everyone.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks Steve, that’s very helpful I’ll look into it. I do use a calm app which helps but because I’ve not been sleeping I’ve had difficulty concentrating. You need energy to do these and I just haven’t had it. Since I posted I actually had a full nights sleep which is a miracle. I think writing it down was cathartic and helped. That’s what so great about the forum, you can write it all down and know there will be no judgement. I do have two dogs but we always walk them together, again I’m so lucky he’s well enough to do this but I do see I need time on my own. I think I’ll start swimming again, this is something I’ve always enjoyed but gave up. Again thank you for reaching out. It’s been really helpful 

Hi Riley2021, funny how you say you feel like running away. Since my husband's prostate cancer became metastatic in Apr 2020 I now get why people feel that way. You can never judge until you're in someone's shoes. That aside I relate to a lot of what you say. I am struggling juggling working and dealing with his illness which sadly has progressed and he will now be getting radium treatment starting in the next 10 days. It's like there are two ways of living, with illness and without it. One of my colleagues was saying the other day how they are looking forward to their holiday next week and have already booked their next one. I can't imagine what that must be like...it's like la la land to me right now to be in a position to do that.

I understand you also saying you are being snappy. I found myself lately feeling more angry towards people about ordinary things..I don't feel angry at my husband but I do at the world in general and all the rubbish people moan about. I do my best to keep it inside but I still have these angry conversations in my head to vent. 

There is a lot of talk about self-care. Tbh I struggle with that because no matter what we do the brutality of cancer will always be greater. I know that sounds very negative but hey it's how I feel. I exercise and eat as well as I can and try to get adequate sleep but you can only do so much. The pain of seeing a loved one ill is very hard to deal with as well as deal with the multitude of our own fears and sadness. You say you don't want to feel this way. I am just allowing myself to feel the way I do. I think it helps. Fighting that will only store it away in your body. I think it's good to feel the negative feelings and write them down as you do. Allow space and time for them. They are all valid. I send you hugs. I think we all need lots of hugs even if virtual.