Wife died on Sunday

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My wife Jan died on Sunday night.

She was diagnosed with Metastatic liver cancer on the 12th July 2024.

Thanks to the work of NHS Highland, she died peacefully with her family around her. I was lucky, as I was able to tell her I loved her before she went.

I did manage to uphold her wishes and kept her at home, doing the majority of care myself, only having one of our daughters for Friday and Saturday night.

To those going through something similar, I am so sorry. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and am ever likely to do.

To those undergoing treatment, I wish you all the best, Jan was a shining example of being a cancer survivor.

She had breast cancer 24 years ago, which was treated by removal of 50% of her lymph nodes, a mastectomy, and chemotherapy. 5 years later, she had a lumpectomy and more chemo.

I look back and think I could have lost her a mere 5 years into our marriage, but managed to get 29 years of marriage, 31.5 years in total together.

Those are years I never thought I would have with my most special lady, one of the kindest, most caring women you could ever meet.

  • Hi  

    Thank you for sharing your story, it is so good to be able to reflect on the good times we have.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

    Community Champion Badge

  • Hi irq74,

    I'm so very sorry to hear your news - but so glad you were able to fulfil your dear wife's wishes and keep her at home with you until the end.  You must have done a wonderful job, I hope you can take some comfort from that.

    Sending you love and strength.

    God bless x

  • So sorry for your loss. My best friend died in 2015 after surviving 12 years with breast cancer. I am forever grateful we got those 12 years to share with our families. 
    You speak with such love about your wife sounds like she was just as lucky to have you. 

    My husband has just been diagnosed with colon cancer and our fight has just begun - I pray we will have many more years together and hope I can care for him as you have done for your wife. 
    thank you for sharing your story. Xx 

  • Hi  your special memories are what will hrlp you get through the difficult times ahead. Stay strong. Sending you all the best 

  • Thank you for your kind words. I am taking comfort that, for someone who could never deal with things like this, I did it, and apart from the last 2 nights where one of her daughters sat with her overnight, I did it all myself, with assistance from the district nurses.

  • Thanks . They are keeping me going, but this is tough. Really tough.

    I don't that losing a limb would hurt as much as losing her. I am getting counselling from various places, but what I really want to do is get advice from her. I am fully aware that cannot happen, but it is missed as much as she is.

    I struggle to get motivated, and am really struggling with the simple things in life, as they all used to involve her.  I cry a lot, which is to be expected, but at such random things.

    I took my grandson for a coffee yesterday after school. Hi fave one is above the fashion retailer, New Look. It was a shop she normally only went into at Christmas time, and seeing people wandering and shopping really got to me. I started howling, only to be met with hugs from my grandson, which helped and made it worse all at the same time.

    I am not looking forwards to Christmas, even though I will be with family. She used to wake me up around 05:00 telling me that Santa had been. Bear in mind she was 71 at her last Christmas. I hate the period, but I would always put the tree up and watch her decorate it and the house.

    I needed no presents, seeing her happy face and smile when I gave her the gifts I bought for her was enough. Then she would tell me off for buying too much.

    I have to stop typing now, I cant see the screen for tears.

    Hang in there everyone, give your partner a massive hug, tell them you love them. Dont put off the fun things until tomorrow, as one day, tomorrow will never come