Don’t know what to do…

Hi MrsJP, I m so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband, my sincerest condolences to you and all his loved ones, I think many of us can relate to your experience, It's an all consuming way of life both physically and emotionally looking after a loved one with terminal cancer taking up most of your time and occupying your thoughts almost everyday, with little time for you to switch off or think of other things or give yourself a break your body and mind desperately need. Then sadly when they are lost, and your sole purpose in life has gone, a huge emptiness takes over you have more time than you have had for a long time and your purpose has to change, It's a strange new world as you say, and it's up to you how you rejoin it, It will seem strange at first but small steps, seeing family or friends, doing the shopping or going for a walk or a drive and things will return to the familiar. If you have a local cancer group where you can talk to others who have been through the same journey that would be helpful too. If you have a Maggies centre www.maggies.org they are wonderful, just pop in weekdays 9 to 5, there is always someone to help or just chat to, best wishes.

Eddie xx

Hello MrsJP I am so sorry to read your post. I am in a similar way. My husband died on the 17th June, and I know exactly what you mean about being in a kind of bubble. It’s so hard when your whole world seems to have revolved around caring, medication, admin, washing, dressing....all of the day to day stuff for your husband, as well as the relationship itself and how it changes because of the cancer, and then dealing with the rest of ‘life’ which doesn’t stop throwing things at you just because your husband is dying...

And then, suddenly, he’s gone and it’s almost unreal. The person that you’ve been doing and thinking and navigating all this for is gone. And it’s been so long since there was only ‘you’ to think about that you’ve forgotten how to! Yes it’s very strange and hard to get your head around. I lived on the adrenaline of the ‘relief’ for the first week or so. And I’m still rattling around now; occupying my time as fully as I can, but definitely still unable to settle too. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to deal with this. It will take as long as it takes to find yourself again and to make sense of what you’ve been through. I was offered time to talk with the psychologist from our palliative care team, and it has been the very best thing for me. As you say, people are very kind, but unless you’ve lived this, it’s hard to really understand.

Sending you my very warmest wishes and a big hug.