Hi all,
I’m really struggling, tomorrow will be the 7th anniversary of my Mums death due to lung cancer and I’ve never missed her more than I do now.
Dad is in palliative care due to mesothelioma and to say that it’s an endurance test is an understatement. I live nearly 300 miles away and between me and my brother we look after dad and make sure he has his medication, gets to all of his appointments and we keep him clean and tidy and try to make sure he eats. He’s suffering with general failing health and possible dementia and is proving to be a difficult patient. My heart breaks when I see what he’s going through. Today I am really upset, his immunotherapy was postponed due to an issue with their staffing levels and I have to bring him back next week. All his appointments are last minute and we just have to jump when they say do. I pushed back today as I’ve had to reschedule my own medical appointment's and work tasks to accommodate this week and will have to do it again. I really needed them to accommodate him this week. They were a bit confrontational with it too.
I get that Dads care is paramount and that the treatment is extremely important but I’m not going to be much use if I lose my job and I can’t pay for the mortgage, this has been happening since January and I’m at Dads most weeks now whilst my brother catches up with his backlog of work that was postponed earlier in the year due to these issues. I’ve ran out of leave, ran out of special time off and am reliant on work providing compassionate leave. Then I’m on unpaid leave and I’m working the hours when I’m not with Dad to catch up. Don’t get me wrong, work have been brilliant but I’m exhausted and the difficult bit hasn’t even started.
Cancer really does ruin everyone’s lives. It strains every aspect. I’m soo sad and I’m trying so hard to get some good times out of this. when Mum passed away, it was very quick and very peaceful and in hindsight a blessing. This time, I’m frightened that it’s not going to be like that
I’m sorry for the rant but thanks for listening x
