I feel like an awful husband, but I'm really struggling.

hi,

I am so sorry you're all going through this. I'm waiting to start chemo and worried about the impact it may have on my family.

I have spoken with my friends and family and asked for some support for my partner and teenagers so that they can have some breaks from home to do something good for their mental health. 

I do feel for you all and  making memories for the little one whilst trying to manage your own illness must be so difficult. 

Please take care of your mental health and continue to post so you don't feel so alone.

Hi, 

I am so sorry to hear what you are all going through. 

we are going through the same feelings with my mother in law and it’s so hard as no matter what you do it never seems to help or make a difference and you struggle to keep everything going with the family and work.

i sometimes find myself getting frustrated with her but then think to myself imagine what she must be going through in her head however she has changed and I don’t know how to support her. I also want to know if this is a normal feeling in this situation. 

it is harder when the kids are involved such as your daughter is 5 and ours is 6 and they don’t understand what is happening and you try your hardest to keep things in some form of normal. Do you have any support from family at all? 

Thank you all for the replies. 

We get some support from family but not a lot. We don't have the biggest of families and this disease has caused some issues amongst the two recently (One thinking they do more than the other, others should do more etc).

I just don't know how to deal with it now. I'm constantly bombarded with texts whilst at work how she is "struggling and don't know how I'm going to cope with school runs" - There's only so much time I can take off work to do the school runs, work from home etc, especially knowing that at some point I'm going to NEED the extra time at home to care for her.

As it stands I feel she has got herself in a "rut" and so worried/concerned over her CEA (Tumor markers) rising (They are still below 5). 

My mindset is that until her oncologist is concerned and stops/changes her treatment we just continue as normal. At present he has not said anything about her treatment no longer working.

She's constantly shouting at me, at our daughter and just overall not herself - I get it but I'm struggling to deal with it. It must be horrendous what she is going through but I'm going through similar but in a different way. This disease has changed her so much and I hate it. I hate life, I hate home life. I have no personal life. 

Again, sorry for ranting :(

can you speak with one of your wife's nurses about how you are coping?

Hi DoOneC,

So sorry to hear about your situation, sounds a fair bit like mine.  I have Crohn's and am caring for my wife with days, weeks, who knows left.

We have 2 kids and 3 grand kids, ranging from 4 to 14 years old. My mental health is screwed, as is diabetes at the mo.

I wish I had answers,, but I dont. I have nothing but an ear as a listener pal.

Not sure if there is a private message thing on here

Is that possible?

Dont know sorry

Yes you can personal message each other. One of you needs to go into the profile of the other and I think it's the connect button on the top right. The other accepts the 'friend' request and then you can message each other using the little chat icon top right....next to lightning icon. Hope that makes sense? 

Hope you can help each other. Take care. 

Sorry, I was replying to emmak about speaking to my wife's nurses?

I think this would be helpful as I don't think she is being honest with the professionals about her own wellbeing and puts on a brave face around everyone else. 

I only know from my experience but I have 3 named nurses so I imagine your wife will have named nurses too. The nurses are there for you too - cancer impacts on everyone, especially partners and their children. Please reach out to them for support. 

Putting on a brave face for everyone else must be so frustrating for you, and exhausting. For your own wellbeing, you need frank discussions about your wife's mental state and what she can access, as well as you too. 

Please don't put it off. It sounds like you're in crisis.