Earlier this year, she had pains just islander her breast on the right side. She went to the doctors who diagnosed it as Costochondritis, which is fair given how she was presenting at the time.
Forward 2 months and the pain is still there, so back to the GP. This time he wanted blood tests and an ultrasound as he did not think her liver or spleen felt right.
Here we are less than 5 weeks after and on Friday, our oncologist broke the news that her condition is incurable and untreatable.
We have been together for 31 years, married for 29 of those. I would be a liar if I said it was all gucci, it hasn't been. I have had almost fair share of chronic illness, both mentally and physically. 24 years ago, she had breast cancer, which reoccurred 5 years later.
Now I am sitting her, worried, scared, alone, feeling guilty for not being with her, crying at quarter to one in the morning.
I feel so selfish for feeling the way I do, thinking about what I am on the cusp of losing and what I will miss. When she is awake, we talk about the good times, and are trying to make some more before she dies.
I am broken. I have been with her for over 3/5 of my life. She is my best friend, mentor, lover,soul mate, and so much more rolled into my perfect woman.
I have no idea what to look out for. She isn't really eating, drinking a little, buy sleeps most if the day and night.
What i am seeing is the mother of my kids and grandkids going from a strong , independent, proud lady to someone frail who goes upstairs on all 4s, needs assistance a lot of the time and has severe mobility difficulties, both weakness in her legs and pain in her feet.
I don't know what to do, what to think or say, orllnor what to look out for that would signify her death is close / imminent.
The NHS have been excellent, and rightly focused on her.
Hi irq74
Sorry to read about your wife and having been through two rounds of breast cancer before I am not surprised this seems extra hard.
Quite often we hear about people asking how will I know when the time has come, even the oncologists dealing with patients every day have difficulty knowing when the time will come.
Glad to see you talking about trying to create memories when you can, nobody in this situation really knows how they will get through but somehow we manage - because where is their a choice.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Yeah, we would love for her to die at home, with me by her side.
I know it's hard, and going to get harder, but we (as a family) have nursed my dad and uncle, I have a fair idea what's ahead of me.
I spoke with my wife, she was scared of being in a hospice and dying alone / with strangers.
A little thing, and would make my life easier, but that's not how our team operate 
We will take any support, but she has chosen her plan, and I will enact her wishes.
