Won’t eat

Hi,

This sounds very familiar.

My hubby is now so weak due to not moving much since February.  They have started physio but its to little to late.

He has fooled himself about how much he did since he had radiotherapy.

I know he will be bed bound at this rate regardless if the chemo works.

I see no future point in planning anything if he can't even sit up in bed on his own.I was brutal and said to him he needs to be able to move from bed to chair at least or he is going in a home - I wanted to make him realise he needs to put in the time doing the exercise.  I go from being really worried, angry and wanting to run away.

Thanks, I too have been brutal so it would hopefully get him to think and fight but it’s not working

I’m not sure if my response will be welcome, but it is my experience. My husband died in June, after a year with bowel cancer and mets to lungs and lymph. He did accept chemo at first, but it ended in December as it was never going to cure, and was doing more harm than good. He was not interested in ‘fighting’. He wanted to carry on living and enjoying life until it wasn’t possible; and the moment it wasn’t possible, he wanted instant death! 

The reason I am writing this is because, in our case, food was incredibly important to him. He loved good food beyond almost anything.
He lost so much weight and was told he needed to build himself up. He was prescribed endless supplements and protein enriched everythings. He found them all inedible.

At first he tried, but eventually he said that he wasn’t prepared to accept food as just ‘medicine or treatment’, when it was his foremost pleasure in life, and so he chose to eat whatever/whenever he wanted and enjoyed it. I think it was his way of controlling his life (death). The same applied to exercise. He was a good cyclist, but only for transport. He would never have countenanced an exercise bike going ‘nowhere’ to keep fit!

In the midst of the horror of a potentially terminal diagnosis I think everyone reacts in their own way. I am hoping for positive outcomes for you both. 

Thank you for sharing. My mum has just been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and brain mets. She's lost nearly 2 stone and she's struggling to eat even though she knows she should. I expect the doctors want her to be stronger for chemo but part of me is scared about her having it. I seem to be worried about everything for her at the moment and wish I could do something 

Thank you for sharing. It is such a relief to know I'm not the only one.  My husband died a week ago and I too got frantic the night before he was admitted to hospital as he wouldn't get up and move even though he told me he wasn't giving up under any circumstances. I did raise my voice, and he did ask me not to shout. In the morning he was admitted to hospital with sepsis and he died two days later. I told him how sorry I was for shouting and I think he said it was alright but by then he was more or less out of it.  My point (if I have one) is that it's impossible to tell what is lack of will, being stroppy or the illness taking them away. All you can do is be kind to them and to yourself. 

My heart goes out to you. I am losing track of who I talk to here... Stephen died on 17th June. So many people have helped me without even knowing that they do. Every time I log in I just find more pain, and more people going through the most awful experiences and end times. I have been where you are. If talking might help, please message me. Sending big hugs.

Thank you Daisy, my husband hardly eats now and we have been told by the doctor that there is no further treatment as he is just not strong enough. I know I am going to love him very soon but I’m not ready.

Rellim

I’m sending love to you as I’m in exactly the same place as you and reading your last few messages it all sounds so familiar.

My darling husband lost his battle today, I am broken 

Oh I am so sorry. It’s by chance that I’m here browsing. If you need to talk now please do. Either here or message me. I’m around. Sending you a huge hug xx