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From the other way around, 

So what can you do to help your wife ? Because no doubt physical intimacy, and your life as you once knew it, will have disappeared. My husband is on the spectrum, and  is suffering from the threat of Cancer. It looks as though it might have reappeared. ugh. 

I am not ill, but I feel very sad and miserable myself, because he is. I cannot make what is upsetting both of us, go away.  I think your feelings of frustration are natural. I actually feel angry, on and off. Both with him for having Cancer, and with Cancer itself. I feel frustrated  that I have to be endlessly patient and nice, when he is grumpy and depressed. And then I feel very guilty for even thinking about myself, and my own feelings. I think it is hard for both of you and us. 

You will just have to try and be as nice as you can. You can’t ‘ fix’ your wife so don’t try. When she cries just hold her hand and pat it. Don’t stonewall her. ( Google stonewalling) She is not crying to punish you. She will be experiencing all sorts of emotions of regret and fear herself, just like you. Don’t forget to tell her you love her often and buy her flowers, etc.  It’s lonely being with a partner who is ill. And it’s lonely being ill. 
You probably can’t get definitive answers re: your wife’s Cancer Stage, as there isn’t an easy answer. We are a medical family, so I know diagnosis is not an exact Science.

You possibly won’t be keen on being hugged, so I am sending a virtual hug. 

Thank you for your kind words and sage advice. Very helpful thank you. Good luck with your husband a a vitvirtual hug back.

Just to say as well it’s nice to know all those feelings are the same for you as me , you put it into words so well. Thankyou for sharing.

I read your message and sat here snivelling, as I know I am depressed myself,  as I cry so easily. Not in front of my husband as he has so much to contend with. 
I hate to see him cry. He is a tall beautiful English person who has kept his lip stiff all his life. I feel heartbroken to see him cry. And he has. Crying for his lack of a future and the downright injustice of Cancer. I have cried to see him cry. The bottom literally falls out of my heart. I have a huge adrenaline rush of compassion and love for him, but then I can also the next day feel such resentment towards him for ruining our lives. I despise myself for feeling so spiteful and mean, because it’s not his fault. 
Being ill drains the life out of a relationship. Thanks for the virtual hug, ridiculously it was that that made me snivel. 

I can’t tell you how much what you’ve just written resonates with me. Thank you so much. xx

Stay strong, as long as you are around that’s all he needs, it doesn’t matter how you feel if that makes sense.Take care and be kind to yourself. You have helped others today.

Me to Thank you