I'm counting the minutes until I can go to bed, and it's 7:45pm.
Mum had a bad night - brought back some lemonade she chugged - and has refused to eat anything except a few spoonfuls of rice pudding and has drunk very little. When I expressed concern, she told me to "stop bullying her".
It hurt.
I know she's suffering. But I have put my whole life on hold to look after her. I only said she needed to try to drink something, even if it was just to wet her mouth.
And she refused to take any medication because she didn't want to swallow any lumps.
It's as though she's pathologically avoiding anything that could help her feel better, and I am so frustrated. She's in so much pain and feels so ill with heartburn and fatigue. All I can do is watch her suffer because she doesn't want help.
I know, I know: don't force her, be kind as she's the one going through cancer, call the GP if you're concerned, etc etc. I'm just venting...
Just to add that cancer care workers are walking angels. I called the pain management team and MacMillan, and they gave me sympathy and a real sense of hope that pain relief and nausea relief may be forthcoming.
Hi MrsQdn38416
Sorry to read about your mum, sometimes it seems patients might rather go through the pain rather than the pain killers and that can be very difficult to watch.
One key thing I had to learn was about looking after me - only really got there after crying my heart out in a local Maggies.
Fingers crossed today is a bit better.
<<hugs>>
Steve
