Struggling with asking for support!

Hi Chris1971 and welcome to our community, I hope you find it some support.

My wife's cancer is Leiomyosarcoma, we had a number of ups and downs but for now her cancer is stable and we are living with rather than dying from.

I certainly get the bit about working, where things are "normal" and we can feel in control though if I was totally effective is another question.

Something that really helped me was a living with less stress course. They helped me to focus more on the here and now and appreciate what we have. The conscious breathing exercises were great too in that live does still like to throw curveballs and being able to step back a take a breath can be good.

<<hugs>>

Steve 

Hi Steve, thanks for our message of hope. I'm happy to hear your wife is stable. We are at a juncture with my wife recent scan results this Friday. Same day she has her weekly stomach drain. 6.2 litres last Friday. A lot for my 7 stone love. I live in hope day by day. It's what we have right now that matters. We have an 11 year old daughter who says mummy will get better, and she is also staying positive as much as I. Again I'm so happy for you and your family to have such good news.

Much appreciated

Chris

Hi Chris, I surprised myself by joining this forum. My husband has kidney cancer, which has moved to his liver. This was March this year.  We had the scan results last Thursday, and unfortunately the cancer meds made no difference. It will be a week to two weeks if we are lucky.

Why does this Forum matter so much to me ? The truth is; you can be yourself, and not pretend. I am hanging on by my fingernails at the moment. We have our love, and nothing can take that away. Kind regards.

Hi Kate,

Thanks for messaging me. I'm really sorry to hear your sad news about your husband. Such a short period too. Was his diagnosis too late? 

I'm hanging on too, and it breaks me every day. We got married after 7 years together in December 2023. She's not eating much at all. When she does it hurts because morphine, as you know triggers constipation.

The pain relief takes our loved one's personality. I miss the laughter we had, trying to keep my head above water daily is the hardest thing I've ever done. 

Your words give me identification and someone that can relate to the situation that I'm experiencing.

The other sad fact is we buried her mother in July 2023 after a nine month battle with numerous different cancers. She was a nurse for 20 years. My wife hasn't grieved properly because of her own Cancer.

I live in hope. Her scan results this Friday will tell us more.

Chris

Hi Chris, my husband’s symptoms only started in December 2023. They were weight loss very quickly, and a nasty taste. My husband insisted that it was Long Covid. He wouldn’t go the GP’s for three month’s. I was so cross with him. On reflection, I don’t think it would have made any difference. Apparently, kidney cancer has very few early symptoms. You are right about the pain relief taking our loved one”s personality. Sometimes, the grief feels like a huge weight pressing down on me. 

Good  morning, Kate, I get that heavy feeling of grief. In my heart I know things won't get better with my wife. It's a horrible disease. Seeing our loved one deteriorate is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. My wife is 44 years old, and she's met people on the cancer ward in their 20s. She had surgery last year in June to remove one tumour from her liver, and they removed 7 inches of her lower bowel. 3 months healing time, 2 weeks all clear, then it came back worse than before. Chemo is brutal, and reading many papers written by specialists who state that chemo can cause secondary cancers. We've changed our diet over the last year or so, we've tried alternative treatments which may have worked if accessed sooner. Today is another day I know is going to be tough. I don't like seeing her in pain. It does hurt very much. 

Good morning Chris, it sounds to me as though you are trying everything to help your wife. I don’t know how you have got through the last 16 months Personally, I describe it all as a ‘slow form of torture.”

Last night was really tough. My husband was very agitated, and would not settle at all. Every ten minutes he would get out of bed (with pump), try to go downstairs. Pacing, and very unsettled. Fortunately, our two adult children are still at home. We are working a tag system, 24/7.

Hi Kate, we are trying. It's me and my wife's brother who are now caring for her. I do have a 31 year old daughter who has an alcohol problem and has not even tried to see us over the last 16 months. We also have an 11 year old daughter, but cannot ask her to help as she struggles daily seeing her mum ill. It's good that you also have the support from your children. My wife was up several times in the night. She hasn't been able to go to the loo In over a week. Constipation from the meds. It's a very challenging time for anyone in our shoes. I do hope you're managing to get some sleep, and I know it's hard at times to switch off. I'm having to meet my boss today to complete a handover. I manage a national alcohol recovery service, which is ironic as my older daughter is not ready for change. Me and my wife are 12 years in our own recovery from alcohol. Not once have I thought about picking up as that would not help the situation. 

Chris x

Hi Chris, my husband has suffered with constipation. We have found Laxido helpful. The cancer meds don’t help. He has stopped all of these now. 

Is your daughter able to get out, and see her friend’s. Mine go for walks or take the dog out when possible.  

Hi Kate, Thanks for the heads up about Laxido. We have a 4 year old lilac bulldog we rescued 6 months ago. Me and my daughter take her out most days, other days it's just me. I took her clothes shopping yesterday, and today she's out with a friend and her family. They're off to urban jump in Heathfield. It's the children I find this difficult for. I try and do as much as I can with her as mum can't be the mum she used to be anymore. This upsets me on a daily. I hope your days is going ok today.