End of life

Hi Laura27 

Sorry to hear about your husband, totally get what you mean about asking for help and if we look at your emotions when someone has cancer guilt is totally common. Took me forever to reach out for help - pretty much until I collapsed and when people did help I felt a bit stupid for not having got some support earlier. 

Losing sleep can make us really ill really quickly and of course one of the first symptoms of stress is our bodies can react by diverting energy from our immune system - really helpful!

I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. I came to realize I put a lot of energy in to trying to look in to a future I could not control and often planning for things that turned out to be not as bad as I thought and robbed me of appreciating what we have. Of course life still likes to throw us curveballs and the conscious breathing exercises are good for dealing with some of them as well as helping me when I get the time to relax.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hello Laura. I’m replying as I know exactly what you mean/how you are feeling. My husband died on the 17th June. He was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer in May ‘23, which had spread to his lungs, lymph and peritoneum. I asked the oncologist from the outset how long he thought we had. And of course, no one could say. 6-10 months was the guess.

Every time after that, I would ask anyone and everyone involved in his care for an opinion on the timescale. I needed the information to best process what I had to do next, and to help me cope with what would be the reality. So, no, I don’t think you sound harsh at all.

My husband was often not that easy to live with (even before his prognosis), and I do get what you mean about it not being easy to care for someone who is angry at everything and everyone - especially as it’s usually the person closest who bears the brunt. 
Please try to not feel guilty or failing if you need to ask for help. It is way too much for one person to cope with. 
The palliative care team offered me counseling after my husband died. (They had offered it to me during his final weeks, but it was impractical for me to leave him). I have had my first session and found it incredibly beneficial.

If you need to talk, either here, or by message, please do if you think it would help. 

Warmest wishes and a big hug.

Probably 3 or 4 days if he is on a syringe driver. He won't be in pain at the end. Sorry for your situation.