How to support in the early stages

Hi Seeking_Support 

Welcome to our community though sorry to read about your wife, our son was about the same age as your youngest when she first got ill. I struggled for quite some time before I finally sought help for me and my GP did sign me off for a while.

I know I found work somewhat comforting as it felt like one part of my life where I has some control and it was predictable, how effective I was perhaps a different question.

Hopefully things will be clearer when you get the results of the bone marrow biopsy and I know I feel more comfortable hearing it with my wife, it can help to have a notepad too and note anything that seems unclear as people on here or the nurses can often help translate.

We were really lucky to have a good friend who would do things like pick up our son from school if I was late at the hospital.

On here we have a guide that might help with your children - talking to children and I found the book "The Secret C" also quite useful.

Do post whenever, people are always istening.

<<hugs>>

Steve

She's going to need you more later so try (impossible I know) and balance it. I tend to try and be there all the time and I burn out... burnt out right now as it happens and thats in no ones best interests.

Some routine as much as possible helps but ultimately they will also need "breathers" from the normal and may want to be with Mum and therefore I suggest encourage but listen to what they want also. Sometime at home, but time at school and normal helps them also balance... they dont realise it but they need to "get out"...each case varies but talk to your wife also... you cant do much when you are there other than support... PLEASE LOOK OUT FOR YOU.... there is a long road ahead and you need to pace yourself!!!! 

Hi. So sorry to hear of your wife’s diagnosis. My wife has recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and it’s difficult to know what to do with the rest of life which largely feels insignificant at the moment. Agree it’s hard to know how best to spend your time and totally agree there are other things that demand attention but as other reply says, have to look after yourself too, yesterday I came home and just felt exhausted, so I did nothing last night, unusual for me as usually on the go till bed time. I think a slow but steady burn is far better than burning out as we won’t be any use to our respective partners. V happy to chat further, we have to keep our heads 

I find work to be a good source of purpose and something to keep my brain not just on the cancer, so if you can get reduced hours, I'd recommend it 

I go to all the doctors appointments as I I need to know everything going on, go manage my own anxiety about the situation. But yours may be different with the kids, and other stressors. 

But if nothing else, my main learning was to build the discipline of self care right from the start, you're gonna need a lot to handle this, and you're gonna have to give a lot- so, your pot needs to be filled with self care and self love.