How to keep working?

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Hi,

I'm a teacher in a private school and have been working as normal while my partner has gone through his cancer diagnosis and treatment. School have so far been great at letting me take time out to take him to appointments and be with him when he's had stays in hospital.

My partner's most recent news is that his cancer has spread, hasn't responded to various treatments or surgeries, and our current line of treatment is the last possible one. We found this out 8 days ago when he was in hospital - I had all of last week off work to be with him and have spent this week at home with him too. Next week is half term so an easy one.

I dont know how to deal with what comes next work-wise. As far as I can tell schools policy is that 5 days are allowed off for compassionate leave eg with the death of a parent but I can't see anything in any policies that covers my situation. I know the treatment might work, maybe after half term I can go back. Or it might not and he might need more care especially if he gets more unwell. Where do I stand on being able to support him? I've worked too long in this job and prioritised it too much in the past and this is the one key time I dont want to make that mistake again. I also can't imagine trying to get through a school day - I'm not sleeping well and will be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying about him. I don't know if I can teach my subject or pretend to care about it with all this going on in the background. And I know I'll.be more emotional and irrational when dealing with the kids which isn't fair.

What do I need to ask HR? Are there any options other than just taking unpaid leave which is practical from a caring sense but not financially?

I'm having to grow up quickly in all this but don't know where to find some of the information I need.

Thankyou

Malengwa 7 months ago

Hello. I'm in a similar situation, my husnband has just had major surgery for a retroperitneal sarcoma, where he was on a ventialor for a week, got pneumonia folllowed by a kidney infection and is incredibly weak. I took the maximum compassionate leave I could, then Self certified and nowhave been signed off work. I never take time off work but Im too exhausted to work and emotionally drained from nearly losing him. My doctor had no queries about signing me off and it was the right thing for me. Is this something you can do?

Longer term, you can request support from occupational health so you maybe able to get reasonable adjustments, this can be hard if you're a full time class teacher, (I'm an ex teacher) but there could be other roles you can fulfilll. None of us want to feel we are letting colleagues or children down but right now, you need to put yourself first so that you have the energy to support him and spend time with him.

I'm trying hard to take my own advice, I want to return to work soon but won't go back if I don't feel I can cope.

I wish you well and hope you can find a way through. We've been through a sharp learning curve too.

src60 7 months ago in reply to Malengwa

Hi both

You might like to consider ringing the helpline here and speak to one of the work support advisors who may be able to help you decide what you want to do.

I know I found work something of a relief as it was one thing in my life that was "normal" and I was in control - or so I thought. It can be helpful too to think of how you might react if it was a colleague in the same position - we can often be more compassionate to others than we are to ourselves.

Referral to occupational health is a good idea, people there are generally concerned about how to keep staff in work since of course you are a valuable resource to your employer.

<<hugs>>

Steve

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