Hello everyone,
This is all quite new to me/us, my husband was diagnosed with cancer of the kidney late November, which has spread to his spine and at least one rib. He’s had a big blast of radiotherapy on his spine as that’s what’s causing him the most problems as it’s compressing his spinal cord so he’s in a lot of pain all the time, and is more comfortable lying down, this means he is through in the bedroom 99.9% of the time, I work full time plus care for him while at home, but I feel so guilty having that time spending time in our living room while he has maybe spent all day by himself in the bedroom, I just need that time to decompress from the day, but the guilt is always there. Work has been very supportive and it is a nice distraction. We finally have an appointment with the oncologist next week and hopefully we know what we are facing as all we know so far is that it has started in the kidney and spread, he’s had a full body CT, MRI and a biopsy done so I have no idea what to expect from this appointment.
My husband has never been a well man but I’ve never classed myself as a carer but this has taken a bigger turn.
Hi Emjo23
Sorry to read about your husband and the effect it is having on you both, it does sound very difficult and I think just about everyone on here will relate to your comment about not seeing ourselves as a carer.
I recognize too a lot about how you talk about work, I know when my wife was really ill work was perhaps the place I still felt I was in control and knew what was happening. Uncertainly can be very uncomfortable but is something I came to realize is more the norm than anything else.
It helped me to do a living with less stress course as my biggest take away there was to focus more on the here and now and the next step because I was living in a future planning how to cope in a black future that I could not control and not appreciate what we have today. The conscious breathing exercises were great too when life threw a curveball and even helping me get to sleep sometimes.
<<hugs>>
Steve
