Hello, I'm new here, my hubby had bowel cancer, enormous op , but 6 months later it's spread to lungs ,adrenal glands ,lymph nodes & pelvis . It's incurable but they're trying to control it. At first he was just sad & angry but he's increasingly angry & morose, grousing, sneering ,snapping & shouting at me all the time whatever I do.He does keep apologising ,& is very poorly on the chemo & targeted treatment.He cheerfully tells the consultants & nurses hes fine because he doesn't want the chemo reduced because he said it's his best chance of staying alive, so gets cross if I tell them his symptoms .He has terrible sore ulcerated lips stopping him eating, hes tired all the time ,won't move off the sofa,had a bad pain in his hip for days , losing weight ,his hair's falling out .I feel so sad for him ,I daren't cry because he shouts & says "that isnt helping ." If I try & encourage him to eat or move , he's like a petulant toddler shouting & swearing. I seem to be losing the man I've spent the last 40 years with bit by bit .I'm really struggling ,trying to be patient & kind when I'm tired& sad myself & taking responsibility for absolutely everything ,& making things to try & tempt him to eat etc .I had a stroke 4 years ago & worked really hard to get movement back in my fingers & leg & improve my speech & thinking but I get stroke fatigue still & just want to scream what about me sometimes . I feel like he hates & resents me a lot of the time, I know it's the chemo affecting him , he just doesn't seem to make any effort at all to help himself i, he's refused to go to the physiotherapist or help with nutrition & emotional effects etc that the hospital have offered, how does everyone cope ? We live in rural Wales, I don't drive ,but I can go for a half hour walk, I haven't been out anywhere else to the shops or anything since last September because I can't risk infection. I feel guilty feeling sorry for myself when he's so ill but it's all so relentless & miserable he doesn't seem to be able to take pleasure in anything & won't accept that he might need help. I'm just using this to vent really & wonder if anyone else is experiencing anything similar, he's had five lots of fortnightly treatments so far with a pump on for three days each time he's charming to all the nurses & other people having treatment & all his notes say things like " in good spirits , cheerful " etc, but they don't see what he's like for the majority of the time .at home. Rant over lol
This sounds so familiar. My son has a rare form of blood cancer which is terminal. He had sepsis over Christmas which has delayed his palliative chemotherapy meaning he is in pain a lot. I too feel isolated due to infection fears but like you, the hardest thing is coping with his anger and fear. He is awake a lot during the night meaning I too cannot get more than a couple of hours unbroken sleep. It's so hard when all effort is rewarded with contempt. I guess all we can do is keep going and try to recognise it's the situation they are angry with. Please know you are not alone. I think quite a few people have experienced similar things. Hang in there.
Hello. I read your post and it was almost like someone had read my diary and posted it! So many similarities. 40 years married. Husband has bowel cancer spread to lungs and lymph nodes. His anger and language and behaviour are pushing me to my wits end. Unfortunately no real advice to give or I would be following it myself! But I wanted you to know that I really do understand.
