Disappearing Friends

I'm stage 4

I've noticed that for the first year everyone is really supportive. Then it starts to tail off. It's as if people get fed up.  They've done all rhe right things. Tick tick.  But NOW what?

It's as if they're keeping out of my way and waiting for me to die.  And I'm taking too long for their liking. How can things get back to normal otherwise?

They want it to be like in the books and films. Person gets cancer, gets better, or ,person gets worse and dies. ALL nice and neat.

Nowhere in their internal narrative does the person linger for a year, and then maybe another year and another.

It's a horrible feeling knowing that people are biding their time and keeping out of your way,  until you die.. At least your partner has you.

I'm so sorry you have been made to feel this way. 

My husband was diagnosed just over a month ago and given hopefully up to 2 years if he responds well to the treatment. 

I'm feeling angry and I suppose a bit resentful when friends and family all posted about their fabulous Christmas and new year celebrations when I'm sat here thinking what exactly is good about it?!

Friends have been supportive but I think they have no idea how to talk to us now, do they talk about 'it' or do they ignore it? I guess it must be difficult for them to know. 

My best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year which thankfully was caught early and after an op and treatment she has a good outcome, I phoned her every week after her diagnosis but I do remember her days were filled with meds, and appointments and side effects and I felt  bad talking about seemed like irrelevant everyday stuff. 

Hugs 

Yes an interesting reply thanks.

I wanted to get others experience of this.  It's starting to make me re evaluate my friendship with certain people.

I have a close family and they've been great and supportive. My partner is struggling with chemo at moment, but her first scan results were positive with about 50% reduction in tumour and lessions.

We have found the same thing. People we thought were friends making no contact at all, people seemingly sympathetic and offering a shoulder then keeping their distance. Even family just assuming everything is ok because we don't make a fuss or ask for anything. My husband was diagnosed a year ago, advanced prostate with mets. It's been a difficult year but it has shown us who our true friends are. These people who shy away from dealing with cancer need to realise they may have no choice one day. Be grateful for your true friends and forget the rest.

I found your post interesting, a lot of similarities to my situation. Almost like a form of cancer fatigue in keeping in contact for them. Whilst some people would have difficulty knowing what to say it's very simple for them to get an update from you. We have to talk about other things in life and you can encourage them to do that. 

The Xmas/ Nye celebration is gone for them now, it's only a short period of time. Sadly with social media certain individuals like to boast about what they have being doing. I just click 30 day snooze on them.

I share your pain with your husband's diagnosis, we're in same position.

I Know what you mean I think for me the hardest part is I feel like good friends don't talk about the things in their lives that might be bothering them because it might seem trivial when we are dealing with cancer and chemo but it's actually a distraction to listen to someone else and their lives. 

We have been really lucky with our friends they have been great but feel like they treat us a bit differently. Sometimes as well I think people treat others how they would want to be treated. One of my closest friends lost her son very suddenly at 34 to an unknown heart defect and I desperately wanted to go and be with her but she didn't want to see anyone. Hence I haven't seen her since our bad news but she keeps in regular contact and sends parcels of wellbeing items regularly and that's how she shows she cares. 

Hope everyone on here is doing ok.  

We've found that too with my husband's diagnosis in July. Fortunately even before all of this for us my husband has been happy to talk about death 'It comes to us all you know' ;) His family would sometimes laugh about it as he was so open but that paved the way for many open conversations. He generally starts a conversation telling people where he is in treatment ect and then asks directionless questions about their lives. This seems to keep things a bit more balanced. We found that not everyone can cope with the diagnosis of his positivity.  That's fine.  We don't know what is happening on a personal level or what their past experiences are