Holding in the tears

Hi Saz123 welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry to hear how you are feeling. Staying strong for others is what most of us do so you are not alone but it always catches up with us at some point and that's ok. I think your suggestion of a counsellor or at least talking to someone out-with the family is a good one and maybe as a start, if you felt able to,  the MacMillan Line have some great folks there who will listen and point you in the direction of other services that may be of help for you if you gave them a call. 08088080000.   

Thank you for your response, I should probably have said in my original post that actually I really struggle to speak about how I am feeling. I feel quite teary just typing this. But I will push myself to call them. Thank you 

They are very gentle with everyone and have been supporting people for a long time so they will be gentle and take things at your pace. xxxx

Hi Saz,

a bit further behind you in all the treatment options but my partner has metastatic breast cancer so feeling desperation for sure. I have chatted with Macmillan folks online and they are very kind. Sorry I can’t help with finding a counselor. I’m in the States. Does your cancer treatment program have someone?  You’re not alone. I will check back to see how you are doing. Ann Xxx

I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. My husband has been offered counselling as he was going through treatment (initially bowel cancer but spread rapidly and widely)  but I wasn’t offered any.  I think perhaps chatting online will be the first step for me. You’re not alone either x

It sounds like you are doing great, you must let your emotions out, not hide it from your family. I was brought up by my parents, my mum was Hungarian and her family were from Yugoslavia etc. people from these types of countries express their emotions, not try to hide it like British do. Just talking to someone outside your family might help. 

I've been on same journey as you and now 90% time I'm fine, 9 months ago it would have been 10%. Your husband is here with you now, just take it one day at a time. 

Thank you. The days where I take it one day at a time I think I manage ok. It’s the days where an appointment focuses on the future or I start to think of the things he won’t be around for that I struggle. It’s great to hear that you’re at 90%

Hi Saz123 I don't think anyone in our position does not think about the future at all. 

We have an update on next Wednesday, after latest CT scan. I think that even if there's no change chemo is keeping cancer at bay. I'm sure I'll be nervous about it all, but it doesn't overwhelm me and below is why.

I used to do Mental Relaxation many years ago to help with breathing and calming the mind. Probably decades ago. It's a skill you learn,  I notice my breathing now is hardly ever shallow. I also did autogenic relaxation training I learnt from a book. It's possible this could help you long term. You have to learn the skills, it takes time and repetition. 

I still get bad days where emotions take over. You are human and have feelings like me. But I still state you are doing good

Thank you. I’ve been googling videos looking at this Wrighty. I hope the scan goes as well as it can on Wednesday 

Hi Saz123 we remain optimistic that the chemo is working.

Thanks