My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer in September. We were told at that time Chemotherapy would probably kill him and that there was nothing further which could be done other than medication to help the symptoms. We are now in December and for the past 3 months my husband has spent days simply laying on the sofa saying ‘Oh Dear’. He sleeps intermittently during the day and then at night lays awake in bed.
Although he has 3 sisters and 3 brothers he refuses to interact with anyone other than our son, who has kidney failure- attends dialysis 3 times a week and obviously has his own problems and our daughter who has 3 young children - including twins and also a full time job.
I am trying to continue to work full time with a view to my own future. My husband is 77 and I am 70. We have lived life to the full and travelled extensively and I totally get the psychological effects the diagnosis has had on my husband. He tells me to sit in the lounge on my own and practise for when I am alone, says I am a nag when I bring medication and refuses to eat, other than Fortisip.
He has made Christmas Day a nightmare for our children and grandchildren and the icing on the cake is my in laws now say it is me keeping them from their brother, nothing could be further from the truth. He now refuses to leave his bed simply shouting for assistance every time I try to have a rest.
I am hoping putting this in writing will give me some release I am at a loss to know where to go next.
Oh dear.
Hi Lizzy706
So sorry to read what you have been going through. I know that with everything that went on in our lives I broke before I was really ready to reach out for help.
Many carers find themselves in a similar position, I wonder if you could get one of brothers or sisters to give you a day off - that might help you recharge. We sometimes say on here that we need to fit our own oxygen mask first and that was something I learnt the hard way.
I can also reflect on how he might feel a bit more comfortable with your son - there is a old saying that misery loves company but often that can be with people who they feel might understand their suffering.
<<hugs>>
Steve
